Thursday, December 8, 2011

Change my butt.....

These are the words that my nephew is screaming at my sister in law this morning. Lol.  I can't help but laugh.  He's 3 going on 30, and he just makes me laugh.  He says some of the craziest things, and you never know what to expect to come out of his mouth at any given moment.

This is yet another reason why I am so glad that we made the decision to move down here to TX.

I haven't blogged in a while, things have just been.....surreal to say the least.  My grandmother died November 26th, and it's been difficult to say the least.  I'm filled with sadness and regret, because I didn't call or write as often as I should have.  I should have taken a more active roll in calling her and making my presence known, and I simply didn't.  I haven't done any better of a job with my other grandmother either.  I don't call, I don't write, and I know I should, but I just simply don't.

This is all for now.... baby's fussing, and we need to get ready to go.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

December 1st already!?!??!?!

Where has time gone?  Seriously.  I can't believe that it's December 1st already (yes, I know it's only 12:04 am, but hey....I'm trying to be on top of things).  This year has gone by so quickly, and I just seriously can't believe it.

I'm not going to write much tonight, because my head is pounding, my nose is plugged up, and I'm just flat out exhausted.  I have to be up early tomorrow to get some stuff done.  Bleh.  Going shopping with my sister in law tomorrow, hopefully will get the rest of my Christmas shopping done.  We'll see how well that works though.  *yawn*

Alright, this is it.  I'm going to bed.

Stay safe and be blessed my friends, until we meet again.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Rainy days

So, it's rainy today, which is making my hair look like I stuck my finger in a light socket. :P  But, that's alright.  One of these days it'll be long again so that I can just throw it up in a ponytail and not have to worry about it. I took the baby to the doctor today so that she could get her flu shot....she's absolutely miserable. :(  Right now, she's sleeping, and hopefully she'll wake up in a good mood.  We're going to the church tonight to make some Christmas treats, so I'm looking forward to that. :)  I think it'll be fun.


Okay, so I didn't finish earlier....I have just had one hell of a day.

Baby girl is CRABBY, thanks to the shot, and will hopefully stay down for the rest of the night, but we'll have to see how it goes.  I'm hoping that she does stay asleep, because I'm exhausted.  I should be in bed myself, but I just haven't managed to get up off my ass and head that way.

I'm crampy, and irritable, and I just don't feel up to much of anything.  I have a shitload of homework that's gotta get done this week, and I have NO idea how I'm going to manage to do it all.  I haven't even started and I REALLY should have.  I am going to regret it, I just know it, but we'll have to see what happens.

Well, I suppose that I will get off here and get to bed.  It's 12:30 and I'm going to have to get up at a decent time tomorrow, because I have a list of things that HAVE to get done tomorrow. *sigh*

Stay safe and be blessed my friends, until we meet again.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Crazy days....

So today was relatively laid back, which was kind of nice.  Ava's napping, and is sadly going to have to be woken up here in a bit, because we're going out to dinner tonight with my parents and brother & sister in law, and she usually sleeps until around 6, but we're leaving around 5:30.

I made a leap today, and joined a gym.  It's a new place opening the beginning of December, and they are going to have lots of equipment and weights and stuff.  And the other cool thing is that any and all classes that they offer are included in the membership, which is fantastic.  They are going to have a Zumba class, and I CANNOT wait!  I'm really hoping that this will help give me the little bump of motivation that I need to get up off my fat butt and work some of it off.  I know that Mom will go to the Zumba classes with me, and my sis in law expressed an interest in it too.  I just want to be healthy.  I want to be able to chase Ava and run and play with her, and at this weight I can't.  So, here's to hoping that I get the motivation that I need, and that I can stay dedicated to it.  They even have a children's room, where I will be able to take Ava with me so that I can work out, if I were to need to take her.  So, that eliminates me being able to use her as an excuse!

In other news, Joe has received an awesome opportunity...he gets to go to Spain for a week.  The owners of the company that he works for are originally from there, and so he gets to go there and train for 7 days, and then when he comes back, he'll be training other people what he learns.  It's an amazing opportunity for him, and it's going to mean a raise in pay, so hopefully I'll be able to continue to stay home with Ava.

I suppose this is it for now, I need to get the diaper bag ready to go, and I have to go wake the baby up here shortly too.

Stay safe and be blessed my friends, until we meet again!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Napless days and piles of homework....

So, Ava's teething, which means that she is miserable.  It also means that she doesn't nap like normal, which equals me not being able to get anything done without being a meaner mommy and locking her up in the playpen.  She hates that thing.  Well, not really hates it, but she would much rather be out loose on the floor, but with all the crap that she can hurt herself on, I can't exactly be involved in homework with her out on the floor.  I give her plenty of toys when she's in the playpen, but she just isn't interested in any of them.  What she is interested in, however, is standing up and grabbing for the papers that I have printed out for school off my table which is next to the playpen.  I put her in there yesterday because I had to leave the room for a minute, and she grabbed the whole stack of papers off the table.  Some fell on the floor, and some fell in the playpen with her.  She was sitting down with this pile of papers on her lap....I really wish I would have had the camera handy, because it was absolutely priceless and adorable.

She's growing so fast, and she is SO smart....I am amazed more and more every day at the things that she is doing and accomplishing.  She gives me so much joy, it's unreal.  I am SO blessed to be her mommy.

I suppose I should go for now, because she's awake, and fussing....I am going to be a meaner mom though, and put her in either her car (walker thing) or the playpen, because I HAVE to get some homework done today!

Stay safe and be blessed my friends, until we meet again.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

November already?!

I'm just not ready for the year to be almost over already.  It's insane.  It seems like we just welcomed this year, and here it is, freakin November already.  My baby girl is 7 months old, and crawling all over the place.  She pulls herself up on anything and everything she can grab ahold of.  We had to lower her crib mattress already, because I was afraid that she was going to fall out of the crib.  It's crazy to see how much she has grown and changed already. <3 My baby is getting WAY too big, and she's doing it way too fast.

I don't have a whole lot to say tonight, because I'm in a crappy mood, and should really be in bed, seeing as it's after midnight.  And yes, I know that we get an extra hour of sleep, but Ava didn't sleep all day and was super crabby, which means that she is likely not going to sleep through the night.

I'm going to head out for the night...hopefully I'll be able to write more tomorrow. :)

Stay safe and be blessed my friends, until we meet again.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Grrrr...... >:(

I REALLY want to post about something, but I can't. :(

Maybe I need to make this private again.  Or better yet, I could just create a new blog page.  Why can't blogger have a button that allows you to make one single post private and available to only those select people that you want to see it. :(

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Holy headache Batman....

I am really tired of the headaches.  They are pretty frequent anymore, though not horribly painful, they are mainly just annoying.  I am fairly certain that they are caused because I need to have my eyes checked and probably get a new prescription. I just haven't wanted to spend the money on the exam, but I'm going to HAVE to, because the headaches are not going away.

My new classes started yesterday, and holy crap, it's going to be A LOT of work.  I'm a bit overwhelmed, and I'm going to have to really buckle down and work on stuff daily, but I know it's going to totally be worth it in the long run.  I should be working on some of it now, but I haven't had much of a chance to do any catching up today.

I am pretty wiped, so I should probably get off here and get ready to head to bed.  Ava didn't nap much this afternoon, so.....I hope she naps a bit more tomorrow.  We'll see......

Stay safe and be blessed my friends, until we meet again!

Monday, October 24, 2011

Unsent, and should be unsaid, but I can't help myself.

You.  Yes, you.  GO AWAY. You keep coming around like you still matter, when in fact you DON'T.  You keep popping up and saying things and talking like you have a right, when in reality that right left a long time ago. I shouldn't even give you a second thought, but you are just always THERE.  It's almost like there is no escaping you, and it drives me insane.  I wish I could stop thinking about you but I can't.  The wonder will always be there, like a scab just aching to be picked at.  Will I scratch it, causing the wound to bleed all over again?  No, but the desire is so strong that it takes everything I can muster to avoid it.  There are things I would love to say to you, but it's not worth the effort and breath it would take.  And I'm afraid that the hurt it would cause would outweigh the pleasure I would get from it all.  I would never want to cause the hurt that I know would accompany it.

One day, you won't matter anyone, and I feel sorry for that.  But it's a fact.  Karma will come around 10 fold, and I will try my hardest not to laugh.  I will hope that Karma gives you what you deserve, but leaves you still able to somewhat function, and then you'll see the pain and hurt that you cause others, and maybe, just maybe, you'll grow up and learn something from it.  It's doubtful, but I can hope, can't I?

Friday, October 21, 2011

Wacky Wednesday.....

Today was just....I don't know.  Kind of hectic, I guess would be the best way to describe it.  Ava's not been feeling super well since her shots yesterday, so she was kind of fussy all day.  She didn't nap hardly at all.  I'm hoping that she sleeps well tonight.  Mom and I have nail appointments in the morning, and I should be in bed, because we have to be ready to leave no later than 8:30, so I'm going to have to get up at 7:30 to get Ava up and fed and ready to go. *sigh*

I had a crappy week as far as the weight loss saga goes, and I'm just completely frustrated with the whole thing. I feel like giving up and saying screw it, but I can't do that.  Ava deserves better than that.  She deserves a mommy who wants to get down on the floor and play with her, and who will be able to chase her around once she starts walking....and right now, I can't do that.  I want to be able to keep up with her, and not have to tell her no, Mommy's too tired. *sigh*  It's just really frustrating, and I can't seem to find the motivation to get up off my big ass and do anything.  I can't even seem to commit to walking at all. :(  It's pathetic.  I need to just make myself start doing SOMETHING.  Even if it's putting in a workout dvd/video while she's napping.  Something's GOT to give.  I'm not getting any younger, and it's not going to get any easier to lose weight.

But, on a much happier note, this is my last week of class for this module.  I'm looking forward to starting the new module on Monday.  I changed majors, and will be starting my Early Childhood Education classes.  I'm taking Psychology and Foundations of Early Childhood Education, and I'm really looking forward to both.  I always did like Psych stuff, and obviously Foundations of ECE is the start of my degree.  I'm excited to get done and get through this.  I want to teach either Kindergarten or First Grade.  We'll see what happens, and what I have to do for the state to get my certification. :)

Well, as you can see....I didn't get this done, and it's FRIDAY. *sigh*   Ava has been SUPER fussy the last couple of days, and she isn't sleeping well either.  She was up several times last night, and just doesn't seem to be sleeping well.  I got her swing back out, and she's sleeping in it now.  Hopefully she'll stay asleep for a little bit.

I suppose I should get this posted before I forget again.  I'm sure I'll write more later.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Monday, Monday.....

And so it is Monday....and what a day it is.  Mom & Dad got home from the cruise, they had a good time.  We had everyone here for dinner last night, and it was SUPER hectic.  But, it was a lot of fun. :)  Mom brought us back some really awesome souvenirs and some super cute clothes for Ava.  I got some pretty earrings, and some things to hang on the wall, and Joe got some more shot glasses to add to his collection.  I need to find him a shelf or something to put his shot glasses on.  I know they make a thing to display them in, but I can't remember where I've seen them.  That would be something good for me to get him for his birthday, which is Monday. :)

It's hard to believe that we've been married for 3 years as of tomorrow. <3 It's just unreal.  I have never been so happy in all my life.  I am so thankful that I have him for my partner.  It's crazy to me that it's been 5 years since we got together, and 3 since we tied the knot.  I don't know what I would do without him in my life.  He's such a blessing, and I couldn't have picked a better partner, or man to be the father of my beautiful girl.

It's late, and once again, I should be in bed, but I'm not.  I'm tired, but I didn't get the chance to get online much today, and I have some stuff that I HAVE to get done tonight. This is going to be a short post, because like I said, I have some stuff that I need to get done.

I hope you all had a good Monday, and I hope your Tuesday is even better.  Stay safe and be blessed my friends, until we meet again!!

Friday, October 14, 2011

Friday...oh Friday.

Oh, how I'm glad that it's Friday.   It's been a rough week to say the least.  My parents have been gone on their cruise since last Sunday, and they are coming home in 2 days.  I've been going absolutely bat shit crazy not being able to talk to my mom.  Since the cruise was to the Caribbean, the cell phone charges would have been INSANE, so I've not been able to call or text her the whole time.  I'm not used to going this long without talking to my mom.  Even when we lived in IL, I talked to her at least 2 to 3 times a week.  It's been 6 days, and I'm going NUTS.

We also found out this week that a very, very dear friend of ours' mother has lung cancer, which is the same thing that hubby's mom died from. :(  So, it's very hard being 17 hours away, and not being able to be there for her other than on the phone.  D is an avid supporter of the American Cancer Society, through Relay for Life though, so she has some connections that are giving them some extra support and advice in all of this.  I can only pray that they've caught it in an early enough stage that she will have some success with chemo/radiation/surgery/however they approach treating it.  I don't know D's mom very well, but D and I have been friends since Jr. High, and she and Joe have been friends since the 1st grade.  Her hubby is Joe's best friend, and was a groomsmen in our wedding.  I was with D when she found out that her youngest was a girl, and I was at the hospital the day their daughter was born.  They have been SO supportive of everything Joe and I went through to get Ava, and they are just really amazing, awesome friends.

Please, send prayers, good vibes, happy thoughts, healing thoughts, whatever you do for Mrs. B.  It will be MUCH appreciated by the family.

I suppose that this is all for now.  I am going to finish this movie, and head to bed.  Joe and the baby are both sleeping, and I'm going to do some housework and mow the lawn tomorrow before my parents come home on Sunday.  I REALLY can't wait for them to get home.  I've missed them A LOT.

Stay safe and be blessed my friends.  Life is short, sometimes too short.  Always make sure to tell the ones you love how you feel.  Until we meet again.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

A new day

*sigh* It's only 11 am, and it's already been a LONG day.  I woke up with a migraine this morning, which prevented me from getting to see my nephews in the parade. :(  That doesn't make me happy.  But, it is what it is, and there's nothing I can do about it now.  I will get to see them here in a few minutes, because they are going to come over here for a bit. :)

Ava, for the first time ever, put herself to sleep. *squeal* The nap didn't last very long, maybe 30 minutes, 45 tops, but the fact still remains that SHE WENT TO SLEEP ON HER OWN!!! I didn't have to rock her, she didn't have her bottle, she went to sleep all by herself!  She is in a pretty good mood now that she's awake, and I should probably get her lunch ready to feed her.


Well, as you can plainly see, I didn't get the chance to finish this earlier.  Ah, the joys of being a wife and mother. :P  I also didn't get everything done at home that I wanted to either. *sigh*  But that's ok.  I have tomorrow to get some stuff done.  And then my brother and sister in law and nephews are coming over for dinner.  That should prove to be fun.  Let's just hope that my nephews come with their listening ears on.

I'm watching "How I Met Your Mother" and it's SO funny.  I had never watched it before we moved in with Mom & Dad.  And now it's one of my favorite shows.  It's on at 11 & 11:30, and so I usually end up watching both episodes before I head to bed.  It just kind of depends on how exhausted I am.

I'm eager for my next classes to start.  I am excited to get my new major under way, and see what the next year holds for me.  I'm hopeful that I'll be able to get my program completed in 2012, but I'm not totally sure that'll happen.  It'll probably be 2013 before I'm done, BUT that's going to give me a BA, so I'm good with that.  If I wanted to be done in 2012, it would only be an AS, and I would rather have the BA and be able to teach right away, not just be an assistant. :)  I am so at peace with the decision that I made, and I really think it's going to work out perfectly for us as a family.  I'll be home in the summer with Ava (and any other kids we may have) and I'll have breaks and such as well.  Plus, I'll be home on the weekends, and that's super important as well.  I want to be able to spend as much time with my kiddo(s) as I can.  One of the things I loved about my childhood is that my mom was home with us over the summer, and on the weekends and such, because she worked for the school district.  It was wonderful.  She was home at night with us, and we didn't spend a whole lot of time in daycare, or with a sitter, and that's what I want for my family too.  I'm looking very forward to being a teacher, and I really hope that I can do a good job with it.  I love kids, so....I think that it'll be a good place for me to be. :)

Well, I suppose that I should get this posted and get to bed.  I'm tired, and haven't been sleeping very well at night. So, I'm going to go snuggle next to my sleeping husband, after I peek at my beautiful little girl to make sure she is alright.  I completely and totally LOVE my life.  I couldn't ask for a better husband, and my precious girl is the light of my day.

Stay safe and be blessed my friends.  Life is short.  Tell those you love how you feel EVERY day.  You never know when it will be the last time. <3  Until we meet again.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011


There.  I put a title.  Does it make any sense?  Not really, but I get so tired of trying to come up with some kind of creative title.  I am out of ideas.  I am too tired to think of anything creative.  So, there ya have it.

It's been a really long day.  I should totally be in bed (surprise, surprise) and yet, here I sit, typing away.  Tomorrow my nephews are both going to be in a parade (for the county fair) and so I have to be up fairly early to head to the square to see them in the parade.  Then I'm going to come home and try and get the rest of the housework done that I've flaked on all week.  I would like to try and mow the lawn before my parents come home on Sunday, but I can't really do that with Joe at work all day, because I have the baby.  I can't just leave her inside while I go outside to mow.  That would not be a good mommy move. :P

And now that it's midnight, and I can hardly hold my eyes open anymore, I am going to go to bed.  I had so much more to say, but I'm too pooped to think about it anymore.

Stay safe and be blessed my friends, until we meet again.

Monday, October 10, 2011

What a week....

It's been just a crazy week.  Absolutely nuts.  Mom & Dad left on their cruise today.  Mom's birthday was Friday, and we surprised her with plane tickets to CA to see Grandma.  Grandma's going to be 75 on the 23rd, and so I figured what a fantastic present for both of them! It actually wasn't totally my idea, Dad was in on it, and so were both my brothers.  It just made sense to all of us to get her out there for it.  I know how important it was to her, so....

Other than that, my week was filled with helping Mom and Dad get ready to go on the cruise, being the fashion police for Mom, having a bad week at WW, not getting all my homework done, taking care of 3 dogs now, instead of just one, running errands, doing laundry, taking care of the baby, and generally feeling like I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off. *sigh*  Even just reading that makes me tired.

Joe and I have the house to ourselves for a week, which is going to be nice.  I am going to try and get to HEB tomorrow, since we didn't make it there today.  Need to get some groceries, mainly meat.  We were going to go today, but we got a late start, and Ava was NOT having it.  She HATES being in her car seat for any kind of extended period, so....I'm going to try and make it as quick a trip as possible.  I have a list, so we'll have to see how that works out for me. :P

I suppose I should balance the checkbook so that I know what I can spend at the store...... *sigh* That's a job I despise. :(  Ah, well.

I guess I better go for now, because like I said, I need to balance the checkbook, and it's almost 1 am, and I need to get some sleep, because Ava's going to be up by 8.

Stay safe and be blessed my friends, until we meet again.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Really getting sick of the insomnia......

I go through these phases where I can't sleep....and it's really starting to get annoying.  I hate that there are times when my mind won't shut off.....Like tonight.  I should have gone to bed a couple hours ago, because I really am pretty tired, but here I sit, in front of the computer.

It's midnight already.  The weather here has finally cooled off enough that we were able to open the windows and let the fresh air in.  It still got up to about 86 today, but it stayed relatively cool inside.  We've got the windows open tonight, and it's supposed to get down in the 50's, which will make it nice and cool in here in the morning.  I'm REALLY looking forward to that! :)

I am going to change my major at school.  I just need to get the paper emailed back to my advisor.  Hopefully that'll get done on Wednesday (I can't scan it here at home, Dad'll have to take it to work, and he's off tomorrow).  I am going to just take the plunge and do it.  I know I can, so why not?

I guess I should really get to bed.  Ava's going to be up no later than 8:30, would be my guess, even though she didn't nap AT ALL today. :(  Poor baby.  That equaled me not getting a whole lot done today.  So, it'll get put onto tomorrow's to do list.....gotta keep myself busy some how, huh?

Well, my friends, I hope you all had a fantastic Monday.  Now I'm going to head out and try to get some sleep.

Stay safe and be blessed my friends, until we meet again.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Changing my mind....

Yet again. :P  Should this surprise anyone?  No, probably not.  But hey....if I didn't change my mind every so often, I would stop being me. :P

So, I've been bouncing around the idea of changing my major, because the more I thought about it, the more I realized that working in a law firm or for corporate America isn't what I really wanted to do.  I want to be able to spend as much time as possible with my family (however big it gets... :P ) and working a corporate job wasn't really going to allow me to be able to do all that I wanted to do.  So, I've been doing some research, and looking into other degrees that are available, and how long it'll take, etc, and I think I've FINALLY decided what I want to do.

I think I want to go into Early Childhood Education.  I LOVE kids.  Absolutely 100% LOVE them.  I enjoyed teaching Sunday School and Vacation Bible School the years that I taught, and I really think I would love being a school teacher.  I'm going to talk to some of my friends who are teachers about it, and go from there, but I am thinking that come Monday, I'm going to submit my change of degree form.  It will take me a bit longer to get done, since I'll be switching from an associates to a bachelors, BUT, once I get my bachelors, I'll be able to teach at a private school without being certified.  If I want to go through a public school, then I'll have to get certified with the state.  I can cross that bridge when I get closer.  However, there is a private school right here in town, which would be super convenient.  I want to teach either preschool or kindergarten.  MAYBE first grade, but I'm thinking more kindergarten.  I should probably talk to my sister in law too, because she's a preschool teacher. :)  Kids are so curious at that age...and wanting to learn....I think it'll be a blast. :)

Ava is getting her very first tooth. :) It's broken through the gum, and you can feel it.  She's pretty miserable, too.  Poor thing.  She's SO close to crawling too....she's just growing WAY too fast for me.  It won't be long before I'm having to chase her down and having to put her in the play pen to keep her out of stuff. :P  She is SO much fun, and she's really starting to laugh a lot now.  It's hard to believe that she's already 6 months old.

I suppose I best get off the computer and get to bed.  I'm EXHAUSTED.  Ava was up at 6 am and I didn't get to bed until after 1.  And here it is, 12:22 am, and I'm STILL awake.  One of these days I'll learn that I need to go to bed at a decent hour. :P

Stay safe and be blessed my friends, until we meet again!

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

And my brain is at it yet again.......................

You know, I think I have my mind made up about something, and then I do something dumb like changing my mind. *sigh* I am considering changing my major for school.  I just don't know that being a paralegal is what I really want to do with my life anymore. :(  I though I had it all figured out...but now I'm not so sure.

I was going to type a bunch more, but I did this earlier in the day and then had to go get Joe from work early and take him to the urgent care.  He's got tonsilitis (again) and was running a fever of 102 when we were there.  So it's the Z-Pack, Claritin, cough syrup, and sleep for him.  I will write more tomorrow when I have a few minutes, because there's LOTS to say, but it's after midnight, and I am flat out EXHAUSTED.

Stay safe and be blessed my friends, until we meet again!

Monday, September 26, 2011

Yay for no sleep..........

Or, wait a minute....should that be Boo for no sleep?  Hell, I don't even know anymore.  Sleep is becoming a word that is not familiar anymore.

Ava's still sick, poor thing has a stuffy nose.  She's not coughing as much, but she's not sleeping real well, which of course means that I am not sleeping well.  Joe could sleep through a freight train running through the bedroom, so he has no worries. >:(  I'm pretty pissed at him right now, so.....but that's another topic for another day, that'll probably take me 87 years to write out, so what's the point. :P  Anyway...Ava's sick, I'm sick, Joe's sick...we're just a bunch of sickos.  I feel like I've been hit by the aforementioned freight train.  I have algebra homework that I STILL haven't done, because I had to go and spend $95 damn dollars on a stupid graphing calculator, that I will use for the next 4 weeks and then have NO use for whatsoever.  *sigh*

One of these days, I promise I will write something that isn't completely bitching about everything that's going wrong in my life at any particular moment. :(  I wouldn't be a bit surprised if you guys (the like 2 of you that I know read) stopped reading because I am constantly complaining. :(  I think I'm going to take my unhappy, not feeling well self to bed. Maybe I will wake up in the morning and feel completely 100% better.  I doubt it, but a girl can hope, right??

Stay safe and be blessed my friends, until we meet again.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Craptastic mood continues.........................

And I'm really, really, really, really getting fed up with it.  But, there's not anything that I can do about it, so I just need to let it roll off my back, and quit bitching, because it does me absolutely NO good. *sigh*

I've got a sore throat, that just seems to keep getting worse.  I don't have the time or energy to be sick.  I really don't.  There is too much going on in my life for me to be sick.  I haven't even bothered to look at my algebra homework this week, and I HAVE to pull my head out of my ass and get it done, or I'm going to fail the class and risk losing my financial aid.  That can't happen.

I suppose I should probably take my not feeling good ass to bed.  Not sleeping is not helping me feel any better. But, I suppose that's what happens when you become a take care of everyone and everything else before yourself.  Or at least that's how it works in my world.

Stay safe and be blessed my friends, until we meet again.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Friday musings...

Or something like that.  I missed my Whatever Wednesday, because this week has just been crazy.

I didn't get the job that I interviewed for last week, so that's had me bummed out.  I love being able to stay home with Ava, so I'm trying to not get discouraged, but it's hard.  It's tough NEVER leaving the house, not having any friends.  I have my sister in law, but not having my own vehicle makes it tough to get out and go anywhere.  HOPEFULLY that issue will be resolved in the next week or so.  Then I can kind of come and go as I please and not have to worry about being back at a certain time so that Mom can get to work.  If I want to spend the day in Katy shopping or whatever, I can.  And I don't have to ask permission to go anywhere, I can just announce it and go, which will be nice.

I cannot believe that in 7 short days my baby is going to be 6 months old....1/2 a year already.  She's getting so big, and I'm just in awe.  You know, I never realized how different it would feel watching her grow versus watching my nephews or my bff's kids.  It's insane how different it feels.  Ava is just so awesome.  She's fun, and smiles ALL the time now, and she talks and coos and makes noises, and I just LOVE it.  And when she sleeps, I could just watch her the whole time.  I love snuggling with her when she's sleeping.  And I know the day is going to come when she doesn't want to snuggle with me, and so I try and snuggle her as much as possible.  I never want to put her down! But, I do, and she is SO close to crawling....she's just right there...but hasn't quite got it yet.  It's just unreal to me that this time last year, I was worried about whether or not I was going to continue to carry, and here she is. <3  It's amazing to me how quickly time has gone.

Well, Scentsy and Avon are kind of taking off.  Joe took a book for each to work, and there are a couple people that are going to order. :)  I had 2 orders from a couple gals at WW the other night, and then one of my closest friends who lives in CO ordered too. :)  So, we'll just have to see where it goes from here.  I could go absolutely insane ordering stuff, but I am not going to do

I think sometime in November, Mom and I are going to host an open house for Avon and Scentsy.  We'll have to see.  And when I have the garage sale next month, I'm going to sit that stuff out on a small table too.  My sister in law is going to hopefully be able to come over and help me with the garage sale, so....I'm looking forward to that. :)

This is it for now, I need to check on Ava and get some lunch, because I'm hungry.  OH, and I almost forgot to mention, I had a loss this week at WW, so that makes me happy.  I wanted it to be a bit bigger of a loss, but hey, a loss is a loss. :)  I'll happily take it! ;)

Stay safe and be blessed my friends, until we meet again!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Holy sick baby......

Took Ava to the doctor yesterday, and she doesn't have an ear infection, but she has a nasty, awful cold.  The poor thing was up 1/2 the night coughing and fussy.  I didn't sleep very well because of it, and she is just SO miserable.  She has a snotty nose, she's coughing, and you can just tell that she's miserable.  Hopefully the Tylenol I gave her a while ago will help her be comfy enough to sleep for a bit.  She desperately needs the nap.  I am hoping for a better weigh in this week at Weight Watchers.  I had a gain the last 2 weeks, so I'm hoping that I at least lost that this week.  We'll see what happens.

I guess this is it for now.  I'm in a bad mood, and don't feel like talking about it. :P

Stay safe and be blessed my friends, until we meet again.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Sick baby, late night and stuffy head....

Yippee.  It's going to be a long week I fear.  Ava either has a double ear infection or she's just teething.  She's been tugging at her ears all day, so I'm going to call the pedi in the morning, and see when they can get her in.  I failed my algebra test, like BIG time.  I HAVE to try and get caught up on that crap.  I can't fail the class, or I'm completely screwed.

I am completely and totally exhausted.  I supposedly now live in the allergy capitol of the world, and believe me, today I'm feeling it.  I've blown my nose about 87 million times it seems.  I just hope I didn't catch the crap that my mom had.  I don't need a damn sinus infection on top of college work and a sick kiddo. *sigh*  So, like I said, hopefully it's just allergies, and taking the allergy meds that I bought at Wally World will take care of the issue.

I am not going to write much tonight, because I am just so wiped.  I'm going to log off the computer and head to bed, and hope that Ava sleeps through the night, that the pedi can get her in tomorrow, and that she is just teething and doesn't have a double ear infection.  Oh, and that her bottom doesn't hurt quite so bad in the morning. :(  She was bleeding a lil tonight, stupid diaper rash.

Well, I hope everyone has a fantastic Monday (even if it's a Manic one! ;)  )  Stay safe and be blessed my friends, until we meet again!

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Another late night, when I should be in bed.....

Especially given the fact that I have to be up early to get some more stuff done.  I'm hoping that I'll be able to get some homework done tomorrow, because I haven't done squat all week.  I have just not been in the mood AT ALL.  I have slacked SO bad on my algebra, and I'm behind, and this is the week of the test, and I don't know 1/2 the material. *sigh*

I really just need to buckle down.  I should be working on it now, but I can't even begin to wrap my brain around anything like it.  I haven't been sleeping, I feel like garbage.  I need to put a piece of electrical tape over the damn bright green light on the fire detector in our room, because it shines RIGHT on my pillow at night.  It's like a heavenly light above my head, and I really wonder if that's the reason I end up waking up 87 times at night.  It's super annoying, and I just haven't taken the time to put the tape over it.  Every day I say I'm going to, and then I end up not getting it done.

I've been in a really craptastic mood the last several days, and I'm not 100% sure why....I think a lot of it has to do with the weight gain this week and last.  I need to just quit making excuses, and get back on the horse, and "git r done."  Mom has been helpful with that the last couple days, especially with making sure that I get up off my lazy butt and go walking with her at night.  We're walking a bit over a mile, and yeah, it's hot, but the heat will hopefully help melt some of the fat off my ass.  Or at least I can hope, right?  I really want to get down to my ideal weight by the end of 2012, and I know I can do it if I stick with the program and really TRY.  I haven't been trying, and it's reflecting on the scale.  So, that's it.  I'm done making excuses.  I'm going to just DO it, and I know I can be disciplined enough to accomplish what I want to.  I can be where I want, and maintain it.  I just have to make myself do it.  I need to avoid my trigger foods, and I know what they are, and I just have to make myself do it.  That's all there is to it.

Scentsy and Avon are both going slowly, but I know for sure that I have a couple orders coming in for both.  Mom and I are going to host a holiday open house, and see what kind of sales we get from that.  I'm really pretty excited about it.  I think it'll be a lot of fun, and will hopefully drive up our sales and give us a strong customer base.  We'll just have to see what happens.  I'm also going to have a garage sale next month, while Mom and Dad are on their cruise with my brother and sister in law, and I'll have my Scentsy stuff sitting out, along with Avon, and see what happens there.  I need to get some business cards for both made up, so that I can have those sitting out too.  I have the business cards for Scentsy, just need to print my info on them, and I'm going to order some for Avon I think.  I can get them from Vista Print for cheap, so....Unless someone else knows of a cheaper place that I can get them from.....

I really need to get out of the house and make some friends.  I feel SO alone, ALL the time.  Yeah, I have family, and my mom and I hang out quite a bit, but it's just not the same as having girlfriends that I can hang out with.  Not a single one of my friends could ever be replaced, but I need friends to survive, I really do.  I need to find some kind of activity or something that I can go out and do where I would meet some people.

HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!! >:(  I had a whole bunch more typed out, and blogger decided to EFF up, and now it's all gone, and I don't have any freaking clue what all I wrote now.  DAMN IT.

That's it, I'm going to bed.  Effing blogger. >:(

I hope you all have a wonderful tomorrow.  Stay safe and be blessed my friends, until we meet again.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Today was a good day!

My interview went well (at least in my opinion.....we'll see what actually happens), I got to hang out with my mom and my baby girl, we had a good dinner, Mom and I went for a walk, and now I'm just sitting here at the computer realizing that I REALLY should be in bed.  I have been up since before 5 am, and I'm just pooped.

So, I think since I told you all that my interview went well, I'm going to log off and do just that.....go to bed.

I will update more at some point. :)

Stay safe and be blessed my friends, until we meet again.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Nervous energy that I can't put to use because everyone is in bed.....

Oh, joy.  Knowing my luck, I'm going to have issues sleeping again tonight.  I didn't sleep worth a damn last night, I had trouble falling asleep, once I fell asleep I couldn't stay that way, and then I got woke up by everyone moving around this morning.  And now, tonight, I have a TON of nervous energy that I can't really do anything about, because everyone is in bed sleeping.

*sigh*  I have this job interview tomorrow, and I'm super nervous.  I don't know why either.  I had an hour long conversation on the phone with the owner's wife last week, about just about anything and everything under the sun, including the job, her previous jobs, my previous jobs, my baby, my family, her family...everything, and yet, I'm scared to death about this interview tomorrow.  I'm meeting with the office manager, and I am just really nervous.  I can talk anyone's ear off over the phone, but in person, I tend to clam up.  And it's really dumb, because I AM a nice person, a good person......I am just always afraid that people aren't going to see me that way.  And I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm fat.  I know that's dumb, but being fat really does affect how one sees themselves.  And the fact is that people do judge you by how you look, and I look like a beached whale. :)  *can we say welcome to my insanity??*

I really think I would love working for these people.  They seem VERY down to earth, and the owner's wife seems like she is the sweetest thing on the face of the planet.  She just has that "mom" least from what I could tell over the phone.  It seems like they really put family first, and their family includes their employees, which sounds like a perfect place to work if you ask me.  And it's only about 6 miles from home, which would be nice.  I could either come home for lunch (possibly, depending on how long lunch is) or eat at the office.  It only takes 12 minutes to get from there home (Mom and I drove out there tonight so I would know where I was going tomorrow), which is a shorter drive than I had ever in IL.  If the pay is right, I think it would be the perfect place for me.  It's a family owned business, so like I said it seems like they really put family first, which is important to me now more than ever, especially with Ava.

So, why is it that I'm so fracking nervous?  Why can I not just have confidence in myself that I will do a great job at the interview and they will hire me?  Oh, I know, because I haven't worked in over a year, and the last interview I had, I obviously bombed, since I'm still unemployed, and I'm a heifer.  BLAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really do need to just give up and go to bed.  I need to plug my cell phone in tonight so that it doesn't die, and I have to get up early enough to get my shower and have time to be able to blow dry my hair and get Ava fed before I have to leave.  I have NO clue what I'm going to wear tomorrow, so that has me in a tizzy too.  I'm kind of in between sizes right now, so nothing fits right, and I think I look like a whale in everything anyways.

Man, I sound really pathetic tonight.....I'm going to go to bed, and pray that I wake up in a wonderful mood, and that the interview goes wonderfully and that they want me to start right away.  *sigh* We'll see what happens.

Stay safe and be blessed my friends, until we meet again.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

A day of reflection....

I sat here and remembered today.  I remembered how I felt watching the horror that unfolded this day 10 years ago.  And I honored those lost with a moment of silence at the exact moment that the towers fell.  And then I went about my day.  Does that make me an awful person?  I did what I felt needed done, and we, as a family, talked about a few things, but our day went on.  I sincerely hope that with the memorial finally being open that the families of those lost at the World Trade Center finally feel that they can move on as well.

Now onto other things.

I am hoping upon hope that my Scentsy business starts to take off.  I still need to call/text my sister in law in San Antonio and convince her that she needs to have a party. :)  I'm going to order a couple of things for myself since they are closeout items, so that should prove to be fun. :)  I am really hoping that it'll take off soon.

I also have a job interview on Tuesday.  I am nervous, but like I said before, the owner's wife sounds like an absolute doll, and I even talked to the owner for a few minutes today to get directions.  I'm hopeful that I will get the position, but we'll just have to see what happens.  I really don't want to have to work, but the fact of the matter is, I want Ava to have anything and everything that her little heart desires (within reason, of course) and if we want to have another baby (which eventually I do) it's going to take more than just Joe's income to be able to provide it.  And if I ever want to move out of my parent's house, I am going to have to get a job. :P  And Lord knows I don't want to live here forever!  All I can do is hope that I make as good an impression on the office manager as I have the owner, and we'll just have to go from there.  So, if you could, please send me all the good luck vibes, prayers, whatever that you can, because I could REALLY use this job, in all honesty. And not only that, but it would get me out of the house, which I am feeling the desperate need for. :P

I'm hoping to be able to manage to have a garage sale sometime in the next month or so.  I've got some stuff that needs to go, and so does Mom.  Her and Dad are going on a cruise in October, so I'd like to have the sale while they are gone.  We'll just have to see what happens.  I figure I could set up a small table with Scentsy books and Avon books too, and go from there. :P

Well, I'm beat, and need to get to bed.  We had a long day today, after a late night last night, so I'm going to hit the sack.  I will try and update more often, but I just seem to run out of time.

Stay safe and be blessed my friends, until we meet again.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Craptastic Thursday....

So, today was just really kind of craptastic.  I can't even really tell you why.  I started out in a pretty decent mood this afternoon, because I had a phone interview today for a job I applied for, and will hopefully have an in person interview soon.  It's for a small company, small as in they have 25 employees, and the owner's wife (whom I spoke with today) sounds like she would be a doll to work for/with.  I really would like to be able to stay home with Ava, on some level, but I get so tired of being stuck at the house ALL day, and it's driving me insane.  I don't know that I'll get the job, it would be nice, but I don't know.  I started thinking about having to leave Ava with someone, and it literally makes me sick to my stomach.  I KNOW realistically that she'll be fine, but I would feel SO much better if one of my friends lived close and could keep her, or if my mom could stay home with her.  I just don't know.  I really wanted my Avon and Scentsy to take off, and it's not happening, so I am eventually going to have to go back to work.  I could probably stay home while we live with my parents, but like I said, I'm going stir crazy.

Any way, I was pretty pleased with how the interview went, and so I was in a pretty good mood.  And then it all went to shit.  I can't even really vent about it, because it just makes me feel like a whiny brat, and it doesn't do me any good to whine and complain when it doesn't change anything.  I need to just suck it up, and quit asking, and then I won't have to be disappointed.  So, that's what I'm going to do.  I'm going to quit asking, and then I won't have to deal with disappointment.  So there. :P

I got to have a brief convo with my Ames, whom I haven't spoken on the phone to in I can't tell you how long.  She's a Non-Stop Mom (check out her blog ;) ) and things have been hectic here too, so....hopefully we'll get to have a good, long, uninterrupted conversation tomorrow while her 2 youngest are at school and my girl is down for her nap.  I have missed conversations like that with her.

I also got to talk to my Tennessee fiesty today.  Not for long enough on that front either, but there are just some conversations that you can't have around other people. ;)

I have a 3rd conversation that I'm going to try and have tomorrow as well, with my bff from IL.  I haven't actually spoken to her in a while, we've texted some, but that's been it.  Hopefully I'll be able to catch her while her little guy (who's really not so little anymore) is down for his nap.

I also really hope that I get out of this funk that I'm in, because it's driving me INSANE.  Weight Watchers didn't go well this week, so that's part of it, and it's getting to be that time of month too, which is always just a flippen joy (insert eye roll....HERE).

I suppose I really should just shut off the tv and go to bed.  The Saints lost to the freakin Packers....what a wonderful way to end the night. :P  Ah well.....we'll see how the rest of the season goes.  GO BEARS! :P

Stay safe and be blessed my friends, until we meet again.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Whatever Wednesday...again....

So, it's Wednesday again.....unreal.  This week has gone by SO's crazy.  I don't even really have a whole lot to say, because I'm tired and my head hurts.  I am stuck in such a bad rut, I don't know what to do with myself.

So, for this Whatever Wednesday, I'm going to just say WHATEVER and hope that tomorrow is a better day.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Figures and frustrations....

CRAP.  That's what it feels like today.  Everything feels that way.  I have yet to find anything positive today.  Actually, I shouldn't say that.  My daughter is a positive in my life every single day.  She's the reason I get out of bed every morning. <3

I am just having a day.  I'm ready to have my own place.  I'm ready to have a car so that if I want to go to Katy for the day, I can.  I'm ready to not have to ask to use the car to go get the mail.  I'm ready to not be stuck at home all day if I don't want to be.  I am just having one of those days I think. *sigh*  Nothing seems to be going the way I want it to, and I haven't even started on ANY homework, and I only have like 2 days to get it done, since we're going to probably be gone all day Saturday. *sigh*

I suppose I should probably get off here and work on some homework, and I need to start the process of getting dinner made too. *sigh* ah well.....

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Whatever Wednesdays...

My friend Kat over at came up with this idea, and so I decided to copy it. :P

I have a friend whose wife just had their first child on the 28th.  J is a great guy, and we've been friends since junior high.  I have not met his wife, because life has gotten in the way, he moved out of state, I moved out of state, and we just kind of lost contact.  Through the wonderful thing which is Facebook, we've gotten back in contact, and we've been able to follow one another's lives.  Their little girl has had a really rough start to her life and she's still in the hospital.  They are doing more tests over the next couple of days, to be sure that all is okay with her.  It's scary, but through the power of prayer, she has made enormous strides in the right direction.

I can't begin to imagine what J and his wife are going through.  I spent a good portion of my pregnancy TERRIFIED that something was going to happen, and I was going to lose the baby.  Once I finally got past the point that she wouldn't survive if she was born, I went into a whole other mode of being terrified that something was going to be wrong or go wrong with her birth.  Everything turned out just fine, and my girl is growing like a weed.  I still have unrealistic fears, as I'm sure most new moms do, but Ava's fine.  I feel SO blessed to have a healthy baby.

I think that having a healthy baby is something that some people take for granted.  Maybe my losses helped keep me realistic about it, I don't know.  It's definitely not something that you can plan for.  It's so scary, and my heart just about jumps out of my throat every single time I see that he's posted an update about their beautiful girl.

If you are they type to pray, would you please send up some prayers for my friend, his wife and their little one?  She's not out of the woods yet, but is making amazing strides in the right direction, and will hopefully be able to go home soon.

Thanks for ready my Whatever Wednesday! I'm sure there'll be another blog later at some point. :)

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Avon and Scentsy....

Hopefully these 2 companies are going to make me some money.  Even if it's not a ton of money, hopefully it will be some.  We'll just have to see what happens.  I will hopefully have my Scentsy kit on Thursday, so I'll be able to really market myself at that point.  I'm going to make some flyers, and since I get business cards in my kit, I'll pass some of those out too.  I like that I'll be able to make some money (hopefully) all while staying home with Ava.  She's growing so fast, and I don't want to miss a minute of it.  And as it stands right now, I won't have to.  We'll see where things stand when Joe and I are ready to get our own place.  Hopefully I'll still be able to stay home, because I'll be making enough from Avon and Scentsy that we'll be alright.

This is going to be short, because I'm pooped, so I'm going to go to bed early.  I haven't been to bed before 10 in I can't tell you how long, and I have 6 minutes to make it there. :P

Stay safe and be blessed my friends, until we meet again.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

It's official...I did it!

I signed up to be a Scentsy rep.  After mulling it over for a couple weeks, I finally just did it.  I am also going to try my hand at selling Avon.  We'll see what happens on both fronts.  I'm going to call my sister in laws and see if either of them would be willing to have a party, and we'll go from there.

I know this is super short, but I should have been in bed hours ago, so I'm going to get off here and go to bed.  I'll post more about my new ventures in the next couple of days.

Stay safe and be blessed my friends, until we meet again!

Friday, August 26, 2011

Late night thoughts...........

I am still debating the Scentsy thing.  I really think I want to do it, and I am thinking that I'm going to.  I just have to make the decision to spend the money for the kit.  I know for sure of one person that will order from me, and she knows lots of people, so I'm sure that she could help me get my business off the ground.  So I think I'm just going to take the leap and do it.  I would certainly hope that between me and mom and my sister in laws and the few people I know (like the WW group) that I should be able to drum up some business.

I'm also going to meet with a woman tomorrow about Avon.  I figure, if nothing else, I'll become a rep to get a good discount for myself. :P  But, the same thing, I'll market myself as much as possible, and see where it goes.

I'm going to go to bed, because it's 11:30, and I don't feel very good.  I'm going to be cleaning, Joe's going to be working, and I need to get some sleep in.  Ava has been getting up early, and not sleeping very well.  Although, she did take a good nap this afternoon, and luckily, I got a nap in too.  However, I woke up from said nap feeling like garbage.  Anyways, I will likely write more tomorrow afternoon/evening at some point.  For now, I need to get some sleep before Ava gets up again.

Stay safe and be blessed my friends, until we meet again.

It's too $%#^@! early......

If anyone says GOOD morning to me, I think they're liable to get smacked.  I haven't found the good in being up this early, ever, so if someone can point it out to me, I would happily change my demeanor to being a morning person.  I thought maybe, having kids would change me to being a morning person.....NOPE.  Not going to happen.  Hell, the sun isn't even up yet, so WHY am I?  Oh, yes, because my beautiful daughter, the one I was just bragging about, decided that it would be good to wake up at 4:40 AM after not going to sleep until almost midnight last night.  Since she didn't fall asleep until almost midnight, it was after that when I finally fell asleep.  So, as you can imagine, I'm not exactly thrilled at the prospect of being awake.  I want my "sleeping 8-9 hours through the night" baby back. :(

I know it's just a stage, hopefully, but dang it, I'm TIRED.  She was up early yesterday too, again after not going to bed until midnight or so, and then she didn't nap well yesterday either.  I don't know what's going on with her, but I am hoping and praying that she will nap this afternoon so that I can lay down and get a bit of a nap in.  8 hours of sleep in the last 3 nights just isn't quite cutting it for this mama.  The coffee isn't even helping this morning. :(  Maybe hopping in the shower will help....I hope anyway.  I have to be awake for at least the next 5-6 hours, and then MAYBE I'll be able to get a nap in......but that's only if Ava naps, which she hasn't been doing very well here lately.

Well, this isn't getting my shower taken, and I'm not going to feel better until that's done, so I suppose I should head off here and get it taken.  Or maybe I'll just curl up on the couch, set the alarm on my phone and get some sleep.  I think that sounds like a better idea!

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Another new adventure brewing in my pea brain....

So, Mom and I were talking today, and there was discussion about possibly selling Avon together.  I've been looking to try and do something from home, to make a little money, so that I don't have to put Ava in daycare, and I can still feel like I'm contributing something to our finances, rather than just being the one to spend the money. :P  I think that selling Avon would be something that I could do fairly easily, and I have a lot of ideas floating around in my head for drumming up business.  I think that it would be something that would be fairly easy for me to do, especially since I have a lot of friends that would potentially order.  Mom knows gals at work, and I could solicit around town plenty, and even to the gals at Weight Watchers.

Speaking of Weight Watchers, I FINALLY hit my first goal!  I've lost a total of 14 pounds so far, and I'm SO proud of myself.  I still have a LONG way to go, but I'm on the right path, and I'm really, really happy with the results so far.  I think if I kick up my exercising (since right now I'm doing NONE) that it will really help.  But, trying to find the time to exercise when it's so bloody hot, and with a 5 month old that doesn't want to nap, is a bit tough.  But, I'll get there eventually.  Once it cools down some, I take take Ava with me in the stroller for a walk.

It's been nice having a break from school this week.  Although, I'm really NOT looking forward to these next classes.  Math has never been one of my strong suits, and so I'm really not looking forward to this math class that I have to take. :(  But, it's the only one, and it's only 8 weeks long, so I can make it, right?? I certainly hope so!

Those of you that are on Facebook have already seen this pic, but this is one of the newer pics of Ms. Ava.....She is SUCH a ham....and she's a VERY happy baby, and I am SO blessed to be her mommy!  I can't imagine my life without her now that she's here.  She's growing way too fast for my liking, and before I know it she's going to be walking and talking and dating and getting

I suppose this is all for now....I need to get dinner started, and I'm watching my nephew until my brother and sister in law get here to pick him up.

Stay safe and be blessed my friends, until we meet again.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Holy cow.....'s late, and I should totally be in bed.  Everyone is asleep but me.  I can't seem to relax enough. *sigh*  I am thinking more and more about becoming a Scentsy rep, and I'm pretty sure that I'm going to, but I just haven't quite made the decision.  I posted a thing on Facebook to see what kind of feedback I get from my friends, and so far, not much.  But, we'll see what happens.

I get a break this week from school, which is kind of nice.  Classes start up again on Monday, and I'm not really looking forward to this next module.  I have to take an algebra class.  YUCK.  I never really liked algebra much, and I looked through the book a bit when I got it, and EW.  Hopefully I will still have hair when the class is over, but that will remain to be seen.

I suppose this is it for tonight.  Not much to say at this point.  Good night friends.

Stay safe and be blessed, until we meet again.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Late night irritations.....

Have you ever found yourself just irritated for no real apparent reason?  Yeah, that's me tonight.  My mom goes back to work tomorrow, so she asked that I not stay up late on the computer, because the light keeps her up.  No big deal, right?  Well, it irritated me.  Joe went to bed early, like around 9, because he has to be up at 5 am for work.  Yep, you guessed it.  Pissed me off.  I hadn't gotten my shower yet, the baby was fussy, she was almost asleep as a matter of fact, and he got ice out of the damn fridge, right by her head.  If I would have had a brick, I would have thrown it at him.  But, it's gotta just be the mood that I'm in.

I suppose I'll write more later....I have to try and get Ava to sleep so that I can go to bed.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

New day and a new perspective.

It's amazing what a little bit of sleep can do.  I don't feel completely better than I did last night, but I've come quite a ways.

I have a better outlook on things, and I am really going to strive to be happy, as I should be.  I have a wonderful husband, who is working to take care of our family.  I have fantastic parents that are allowing us to live here rent free so that we can get on our feet and get established here.  I have friends that love and support me, even though I hardly get to talk to any of them.  And most importantly, I have a beautiful daughter that, if nothing else, completes my life.  Things in my life are finally starting to fall into place, and I am really hoping that I will be able to come out of this on top of the world.

I still desperately need to find a job, because I really am going stir crazy being in this house ALL the time.  And we need to get our own vehicle, and soon, so it would really be easier if I was working too.  We'd be able to save money faster for sure.

So, Ava gave me the biggest scare of her life so far.  Mom rocked her to sleep around 9-ish, and laid her down.  About 10-ish, I heard her, so I went in and sure enough, she was awake (of course, because I was going to go to bed  I checked her and she needed changed, so I changed her, and noticed that she had spit up a little.  So, I turned to grab a burp cloth, and by the time I turned back around, she had projectile vomited, and her mouth was full of it too.  I hollared for Joe, turned her on her side so that she wouldn't choke, and went into freak out mode.  She was pale as could be, and so I made Joe go get my mom.  I stripped her and had to give her a bath, because she had vomit in her hair and her ear.  She seems fine now, and we checked her temp, and she wasn't running a fever.  My best guess is that she got too warm, and didn't burp after the last bit of milk she drank before she fell asleep.  After her bath, I snuggled her and after about 90 minutes of her fighting it, I got her back to sleep.  She's been down for about 90 minutes at this point, and I've checked on her 3 times.  I have a feeling that sleep isn't going to come easy for me tonight.

But, since I've updated ya'll on my boring day, I do suppose I should go crawl in bed next to my sleeping hubby and at least try to get some sleep.  I didn't sleep worth didly last night, so I hope it goes better tonight.  Although with Ava's vomit episode, I kind of doubt it will, because I know ever little sound is going to wake me up all night long.  So, I say good night for now.

Stay safe and be blessed my friends, until we meet again.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

It's that time again....

For another boring post from me about my seemingly boring life.  I am having a heck of a time the last couple days.  I'm feeling stressed and defeated in my own head, and it's really getting the best of me.  My life has done a complete 180 here lately.  I don't talk to my friends anymore.  And it's not for lack of wanting to.

Tomorrow is going to bring cleaning, and going through the closet, and working on some homework, and maybe getting a walk in before Weight Watchers, since I know that I completely blew this week, and probably gained a crap load of weight.  And the worst part is, I frankly don't care.  I am feeling so undeserving and unworthy and just completely NOT myself.  I'm not sure what's going on with me the last couple of days.

I need to find my center.  I need to rediscover myself.  I need to make some friends here locally.  I need to feel like I am contributing something worth while.  And I don't.  I am in this funk, and I can't seem to find my way out of it.

Maybe I should just give up and go to bed.  That would probably be the smart thing to do so that I don't manage to screw anything else up today.

Stay safe and be blessed my friends, until we meet again.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Well, this day can go somewhere else...........

So today is turning out to be completely craptastic.  First of all, the puppy that I found yesterday has been claimed by his owner. :(  I'm not gonna makes me sad.  They aren't taking good care of him, but what can you do?  I couldn't tell her no, you suck as a fur mommy, you can't have him much as I wish I could.  He was so skinny...and his nails needed clipped something fierce. *sigh*

Then to pour salt in the wound, I got an email from the company that I interviewed with a while back, and I didn't get the job.  They made an offer to someone else on Friday.  It really pisses me off.  Oh well, I guess.  Just means that it wasn't the job for me.  But I NEED a job.  Period.  I think I'm going to just go cry now.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

A quiet evening........

For the most part.  Mom, Dad, Joe and Ava are all in bed, and I'm sitting at the computer, when I should be sleeping, seeing as I have to get up to take Joe to work in the morning.  Dad is off tomorrow, and I don't want to be left without a vehicle when they leave to go to San Antonio.  So, I am going to take him to work, and then I'll have to go pick him up.  Which will likely be a pain in the butt, since I'll have Ava with me too.  But, oh well.  We can run into Wal-Mart when he gets off work and try to get his necklace that we bought that got left on the counter and stolen by another customer.  So the manager agreed to replace it, since it got stolen and we paid for it, but they didn't have the one he wanted, so she gave him a gift card.  He has checked back I think, and they still didn't have the one he wants.

I am looking forward to having a weekend in the house to ourselves.  We haven't really had any "alone" time since we got here.  I mean Joe and I have gotten to go out without the baby, or even taking her with us, a couple times, but when we get home, Mom and Dad are here.  Not that I don't appreciate everything that they are doing for us, because I do, but sometimes it would be nice to just come home and have it be me, Joe and Ava again.  I miss that.  So, we'll get a little taste of it while Mom and Dad are in San Antonio.

I still haven't heard anything from the place I interviewed with 2 weeks ago.  I emailed her last week, and she said that she was going to schedule 2nd interviews starting Wednesday of this week.  I emailed her again, saying that I was having issues with my phone, so....we'll see what happens.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed.  I NEED this job.  It would be the perfect opportunity, so all I can do is keep hoping and praying that it is the right fit, and that I will get it.

I suppose this is it for now.....I really should get to bed, seeing as I have to be up in like 5 hours.  I'm going to be so cranky tomorrow..........ah least I realize that I'm going to be cranky....maybe that'll help ward some of it

Stay safe and be blessed my friends, until we meet again!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

How I Met Your Mother..

I never, ever watched this show until I moved to TX and couldn't find anything else on TV at 11pm.  It's pretty good.  You know what else is good?  A glass of chocolate milk to help you go to sleep.  I know, it sounds insane, because of the caffeine in chocolate, but in reality, it least for me.  I drank a glass here a few minutes ago, so hopefully in the next couple minutes, I'll be ready to go lay down.  I'm actually ready now, but wanted to get a few more thoughts out first.

I'm still debating about the Scentsy thing.  My sis in law from San Antonio thinks it's a great idea, and she has friends/co-workers that are likely to order.  She also said that she would help spread the word around for me.  And I can do the same for her, since she's selling Avon.  Which their makeup is pretty fantastic.  I've ordered several things, which has been nice, since all my makeup was hella old and nasty.

I should hopefully have another interview at the place I interviewed at last week.  The gal that interviewed me said she would be presenting candidates to the supervisor tomorrow and hopefully scheduling more interviews starting tomorrow afternoon, so we'll see what happens.  Keep thinking good thoughts for me.  I would really like to get this job, I think it would be wonderful for us.  It would get me the adult interaction that I am craving these days.  While I'm not thrilled at the prospect of putting Ava in daycare, I know that at some point I'm going to have to.  I've been lucky enough to be home with her this long, and daycare I know will be good for her, but I'm still not thrilled with it. :(

I suppose I should probably get to bed.  It's late, and Ava will likely be up early tomorrow.  Although she didn't fall asleep tonight until like 10:30, so maybe she'll sleep in a bit.

Stay safe and be blessed my friends, until we meet again.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Bad mood, lemon bars, and Grey's Anatomy

And once again, it's after midnight, and I should be in bed.  I have to be up early tomorrow to get Ava up and ready for her 4 month check up, and I have to find her medical records, and make sure that I give her Tylenol before we leave, and yet here I sit, watching some old episodes of Grey's Anatomy and eating lemon bars.  Yes, the are Weight Watcher friendly, and they taste AMAZING.

I have been in just a completely SHITTY mood all day.  I can't seem to shake it, and I don't know why.  I'm just really freaking irritated.  I really should probably just go to bed and try to sleep it off, because I don't think it's going to get any better by staying up.  And honestly staying up will likely make it worse since staying up will make me more tired than I'm already going to be tomorrow.

Well, I guess that decided it.  I'm going to go to bed, and try to get some sleep.  We'll see how well that works tomorrow morning when I get up.

Stay safe and be blessed my friends, until we meet again.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Gee imagine that..............

Another late night for me.  Holy crap, am I retarded, or what?  You would think by now that I would have learned that I need to go to bed when Ava does.  But NO, here I sit, at 12:24 in the morning, wide awake, with no real intention of going to bed anytime soon, sitting at the computer typing away and hoping that the light from the screen won't wake up my mom, since nothing else in the house is on.  I shut off the TV, simply because I was sick to death of listening to it.  So now, I listen to the clock tick, and the sound of my fingers on the keys.  I am feeling very reflective tonight, and I'm not quite sure why.  I don't really have anything to reflect on, so....maybe that's not quite the word that I should use.

I hung out in Houston today with my sister in law and nephews while my brother was at school, and it was a pretty fantastic day.  She and I haven't gotten to do a whole lot of hanging out since we moved down here, mainly because we just haven't been able to find the time with 3 kids to try and coordinate around.  My brother is in culinary school, and so he usually has their truck at school, leaving my sis in law without a vehicle for most of the day.  Since Joe and I don't have a car yet, I don't like leaving Mom without one, so it's kind of tough for me to go out there.  One of these days, I'm going to just have Mom take me and Ava out there for the day, and then when my brother gets home from school, he can just bring me back to Mom's.  Unless I start working soon, which I hope that I'm able to.

I still haven't heard anything from the place that I had the interview at last week.  I sent the woman that interviewed me an email tonight, asking about it, so I'm hoping that maybe I will hear something from her tomorrow, and that it will be good news, like that they would like me to start Monday morning. :P  I know that's probably not realistic, but a girl can dream, right?  We'll just have to see what happens.  I think I would do really well with this job, and I'm sure I would REALLY enjoy having some adult conversation.  Not that my parents aren't adults, but, they are my parents. :P  I would like to make some friends down here, and maybe be able to hang out with someone other than my mom and dad.  

I am still tossing around the idea of selling Scentsy.  I am just so afraid that I would make the plunge and fail miserably.  My brother and sister in law from San Antonio are coming this weekend, so I think I will talk to her and find out if she has friends/people that she knows that would be interested to see if maybe I would have some leads to start out with before I make my final decision.  I've also been tossing around the idea of becoming a Creative Memories consultant again, but the same thing...I'm fearful that I will take the plunge and spend the money and then fail.  I definitely don't want to do that, especially with Joe being the only one working.  We have a baby to worry about now, and I don't want to deprive her of ANYTHING, so that factors into my decision A LOT.  I sucked at Tupperware, so I'm afraid that I will suck at these too. :(  Gotta love not having any faith in yourself.

Ava's growing like a weed, and much too quickly for my liking.  We're having family pictures taken this weekend, since we've added 2 more family members since they were taken last.  My youngest nephew was brewing in my sister in law's belly, and we hadn't been blessed with Ava yet.  She has changed SO much, it's just absolutely crazy.  My sister in law has a picture of Ava on her phone from right after we moved down here, and she looks SO's just unbelievable.  My baby is growing and changing.  She smiles ALL the time, and is trying SO hard to laugh.  She's rolling from front to back and back to front, and I swear she's trying to figure out how to crawl.  She moves herself around in her crib, and when I get her up in the morning, it's fun trying to figure out how she ended up like she does.  I am SO blessed...she's SUCH a good baby, and I thank God every single day that He has allowed me to be her mommy.  He has given me so many blessings in my life, and I definitely don't thank Him enough.

Work for Joe is going really well.  He likes his job, and come September, I think, he'll be made company, and will get a pay raise.  Well, I just looked it up, and it will actually be more like December before he'll be able to go company.  Ah, well, it's a good job, and decent pay for right now.

Well, I suppose that I should probably get to bed.  I know that I'm going to be miserable tomorrow if I don't. I'm probably going to be hella tired anyways, since it's already almost 1:30.  I don't know why I do this to myself.  *sigh* Ah well.

Good night my friends.  Be blessed, until we meet again.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Headaches, Diet Pepsi, and Chopped.

That's on the menu for tonight.  I'm drinking Diet Pepsi (YUCK) because there is no other soda in the house, and it has caffeine in it, so I'm hoping that MAYBE it will help get rid of this damn headache.  So far (3/4 of the can in) it isn't helping.  What WOULD probably help is me shutting off this silly computer and going to bed.  But that would be the easy answer. :P

Ava didn't want to go to sleep tonight for some mom got her down before 10, and she went to bed, then about 10 minutes later, I heard Ava, and went to check on her, and sure enough, she was wide awake.  I brought her back out into the living room, and rocked her some more, and after fussing (half assed anyways) for about a half hour, she finally zonked out, and has been down for almost an hour.  Hopefully this means that she will sleep in some in the morning, so that I can too.  We'll see what happens. ;)

I'm watching Chopped on the Food Network, mainly because there is NOTHING else on, at least not anything that interests me, but I really should be going to bed.  My mom is keeping my youngest nephew tomorrow for my brother and sister in law, so I'm going to have to be up somewhat early.  I need to call and see about getting a haircut tomorrow too.  We're having family pictures taken this weekend.  My brother and sister in law from San Antonio are coming over, and so it's going to be a 11 person affair. :P  Well, 10 1/2, because Ava's not a running around, talking, screaming because they are bored person yet. :)  Give her another year or  It'll be nice, because Joe, Ava and I will have our first professional family picture taken, and I'm really excited about that.  Hence the need for the haircut.  It's really unruly these days, and so I want the stylist to cut it and show me how to style it so that it looks nice for the pictures.  A lot of people haven't seen my haircut, because I've not posted a picture of it, but after Ava was born....she was probably 7 weeks or so, I cut it all off.  Well, not all of it, but it's above my shoulders.  It barely hits my collar, and it just doesn't do much of anything.  So, we'll see what Mom's stylist can do for me.

Well, it's almost midnight, and I really should get to bed.  I know that I'll have to be up by about 8 or so, since my nephew will be coming around 8:30.  I love getting to spend time with him, so it should prove to be a fun day.  I have to pick Joe up from work, and we have to run to Walmart, and then I have Weight Watchers tomorrow night, and Joe and I may go to chinese for dinner afterwards.  We'll have to see what Mom and Dad want to do, and if they want to go with us.  Although mexican sounds awful good too......we'll just have to see.

Stay safe, and be blessed my friends, until we meet again.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

My heart is heavy tonight....

and I don't know what to do.  It's not anything that I can really publicly talk about....well, at least the situation isn't.  A very dear friend is having a VERY trying time right now, and I feel like I can't be there for this person in the capacity that I used to be able to before I had Ava and before I was enrolled in school.  All I can do is answer texts when they come in, and provide a quick word of love and support on Facebook.  I feel like a horrible friend.  And I am 100% sure that they don't see me as such, but I still feel like a heel.

I promise that I'm going to call, and then I get sidetracked with the baby, or school or something.  I really need to get better about it.  And the really sad part is, when I have the time, like now, it's too late to call anyone, and not only that, but living with my parents, it's not like I can just be up and on the phone til all hours like I was able to when I lived on my own.  I have to be courteous of their time schedule as much as my own.

All I can really do at this point is send up all the prayers that I can muster.  I know that God is always listening, so I can pray that He provide them the strength to endure all that is being thrown their way, and that they would take the time to listen to what He is saying.  I would also pray that they be given the peace that they are due, so that they know that I'm here, even when I feel far away.

On that note, I'm going to sit here and eat my chocolate caramel thingy and then drink some more of my Diet Coke (because Diet Pepsi is NASTY, contrary to Amy's beliefs) and then head to bed.  Got church in the morning, and who knows what else tomorrow afternoon.

Be blessed my friends.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Another late night

So, I have been doing a lot of thinking today.  I feel so out of touch with my feels like I haven't talked to anyone here lately.  A lot of that has to do with the fact that I have a 4 month old (as of Saturday!) and I'm going to school and looking for a job.  I thought I would have a lot more free time than what I do.....but it feels like as soon as she's down to nap, I have homework or laundry or something that needs to get done, and I don't have a moment to pick up the phone and call anyone.  And when I do have a spare moment, it seems like the second I sit down to pick up the phone to call someone, something comes up and I have to do this that or the other thing.

I said something a while ago about joining Weight Watchers, and I haven't said anymore about it since.  I've had some good weeks, and some bad weeks, but over all I'm down 11 pounds.  This is wonderful.  I am really proud of myself, because this is the first time in a long time that anything I've done to try and lose weight has worked.  I'm on my way to a healthier me, a better mommy for Ava.  Joe is on the journey too, and has so far lost about 16 or so pounds.  Which is wonderful for him.  I'm proud of him, and this is only going to make things better for us in the long run.

He's enjoying his job, and seems to be doing fairly well.  He will be company sometime in September (he's working through a temp agency right now), and when he goes company, he will get about a $4 raise, which will be nice.  I'm still going to have to work, but may be able to get away with only working part time.  We'll have to see what happens.

I may have a job interview soon, for a dispatch position with a propane/gas company.  I sent them an email on Tuesday, and have been talking with the recruiter back and forth.  She's trying to figure out time to have me come in for an interview, so if you all could send me happy thoughts/prayers/good vibes, it would be much appreciated.  That will only make my life busier, I'm sure, and I'm really not looking forward to leaving Ava, but it's a necessary evil, unfortunately.  I would MUCH rather stay home with her, but that's just not a realistic possibility.  I am praying that this job works out, because it's right here in town, and would be much easier than trying to get to Sealy or Brenham....both of which are about 25 minutes away, and the closest towns to where we live.

I must say, I absolutely LOVE it here.  Texas is a beautiful state, and even though we have to drive almost an hour to find a mall, now that I'm here, I wouldn't want to live anywhere else.  Couple the beautiful area with the fact that my family is all here or nearby, and I'm a happy camper.  We've even joined a church that makes us feel at home, and though we haven't been for the last 2 Sundays, I look forward to going every week, and am excited for Ava to grow to know God there.  They have an amazing children's program, so once she's big enough, she'll be taking part in that.

I suppose I should close out for tonight...I have an early morning tomorrow, and really need to get some sleep.  Be blessed my friends, until we meet again

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Should be in bed sleeping....

But, of course, I'm not.  I am sitting here in the living room, and I should be working on homework, since I wasn't able to get anything done today, but I'm not.  I'm sitting here messing around on Facebook, and writing here.  I am still contemplating what I want to do as far as Scentsy goes.  I did have a call from a place about a potential job today, and she asked for more job history, which I emailed to her.  I was hoping for a call back today, but that didn't happen.  So, I will hope and pray for a call tomorrow.  It's a job right here in town, and that would work out wonderfully.  I would LOVE to work for this place too.  From the sounds of it, they are a wonderful company to work for.  I am really hoping that something comes along soon.

I suppose even though this is super short, I should get off here and go to bed.  I'm fairly certain that Ava will be up early, and I didn't sleep very well last night.  Night night.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Later in the day....

and I still find myself with an over-active brain trying to sort through what I need/want to do. *sigh*  I am so content being able to stay home with Ava, but at the same time, I long to have "adult" time.  And I feel like a total heel for even letting those words appear on the page.  I tried for so long to have her, and I am so happy that she is finally here, but I can't help but feel the need to get out of the house and do something productive.  I do so much around the house, but I don't feel like that's productive. *sigh*  Does any of this even make any sense?  I would love to have the way with words that my dear friend Dawn does, and make a living at writing, but alas, I don't.  That still wouldn't really get me out of the house though either.

I talked to Joe some more, and looking at money, I will likely be able to just work part time, which would be better than working full least right now, until I'm done with school.

  I was going to try and type more, but I am SO exhausted, it's not even funny.  I will try and collect my thoughts and post tomorrow....

Contemplating new adventures....

I posted that I was starting the process of looking for a job.  I hate it.  I really do.  I don't want to go back to work.  But in order for Joe and I to eventually be able to move out of Mom and Dad's, we have to save some money, and we aren't going to do that very well on his paycheck alone.  I wish that we could, because I would love to not have to go back to work until after I'm done with school, but that just isn't a realistic possibility.  So, I've been looking at what I could possibly do from home to avoid having to put Ava in daycare.

I am seriously thinking about becoming a Scentsy rep.  If you haven't heard of Scentsy, you need to go to the website, and check it out.  It's  The stuff is fantastic.  It smells amazing, there's no flame, and some of the warmers are super cute.  I am just not 100% sure about it.  I'm going to talk to Joe and see what he thinks, and go from there.  I am fairly certain that between people Mom knows, people Danielle knows, and my nephew's school I could probably get a fair share of business.  Plus I have Terra over in San Antonio, and I have a slew of friends online too.....I will just have to really market myself well, and I know that Terra can help me with that.

I just know that I need to find something that I can do to bring in some money, and I really don't want to have a regular job and put Ava in daycare yet.  We'll see what happens.  This is it for now...

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Titles are over-rated.

So, I'm not going to have one today. :)  I have a killer headache, and should totally be in bed, but I just can't seem to find the motivation to get up off my big butt and go there.I would love nothing more than to sleep, but I know that I will go in the bedroom and lay there and toss and turn.  So I sit here at the computer, watching some cop show on tv, although I'm not really watching it, it's just on for noise.

I am starting the process of looking for a job.  I really don't want to, because I don't want to leave Ava, at all, and I'm still in school, but the fact is, if Joe and I are ever going to be able to get some money saved and get a car, and move into a place of our own, I HAVE to get a job.  I'd love to find something that I can work from home, because then I wouldn't have to put Ava in day care, but I don't know how realistic that is.  We'll have to see.  I have sent out several resumes, and will continue to do so, and pray that I hear something about a job soon.  I'm going kind of stir crazy, and would love to have a job that I can really enjoy....we'll see what happens though.

I suppose this is it for tonight...I know it's not a long entry, but this headache is seriously going to kill me, so I'm just going to go to bed and try to sleep it off.

2 AM, and I'm still awake with the books wide open.....

And I really shouldn't be.  I'm going to be super crabby tomorrow, and I just know it.  I would love nothing more than to just go to bed, but my stupid procrastinating self decided to not work on homework as much as I should have this week, and so it's due tomorrow, and I have about 1/2 of it done.  That's not enough, especially since a good chunk of the day I'm going to be gone.  The business law homework is going to kill me probably, because a lot of it is stuff that's hard to understand, and the instructor I have has not answered any of the emails that I've sent him regarding ANYTHING.  It's really starting to tick me off.  I'm worried though that if I complain to the school about it, that it will end up affecting my grade, and I don't want that to happen.  It would be nice to know what my grade even is at this point. :(

This is going to be a short post, because I have quickly run out of steam.  I'm irritated, and really just can't stand to look at the books or the computer anymore.  I'm going to shut off the tv and go to bed.  8:00 is going to come awful early, especially considering it's almost 2:30 now.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Ticking clock and coffee....

That's what I have in front of me this morning.  Mom and Dad are going out and about today, so I had to take Joe to work today so that I could have the car in case I need/want to go anywhere.  They will take the truck on their adventure, and I'll have to pick Joe up from work, which is long as I don't  We woke up late (imagine that) because Joe shut off his alarm and didn't get out of bed.  Luckily though, my internal alarm went off at 10 til 6 and we were able to get up, dressed, his lunch made (by me), breakfast eaten (my breakfast is the coffee that I'm drinking now) and out the door in time to get him to work on time so that he wasn't late.  Holy crap, that looks like a run on  Mom got up with Ava so that I didn't have to take a screaming baby with me to drop him off, and once I got home, she laid Ava back in her crib since she had fallen back asleep, and went back to bed herself.  My grandma is not doing well at all, and Mom isn't handling it very well either, and so she had a rough night last night.  I honestly did too.  I'm not ready to lose another grandparent....especially since she hasn't met Ava yet.  I know that I am very lucky to be 32 and still have 3 of the 4 grandparents, but I'm selfish damn it, and I am not ready for her to leave yet.  I haven't called to talk to her lately, and that's mainly because I don't think I can get through the conversation without crying.  I know that's stupid, but she's dealing with enough, she doesn't need to listen to me on the phone crying.  I also think part of it is that I'm not ready to say my goodbyes.  I didn't get the opportunity to say goodbye to my grandad when he died, and so I don't want that to happen again, but I can't bring myself to call.  Grandma doesn't last long on the phone anyways, so it would likely be a short conversation, and I could probably get off the phone before I started the crying stuff, but I still just can't pick up the phone and dial. **sigh**  So, instead, I sit here at the computer, tears welling up in my eyes, thinking about all the reasons that I SHOULD call.....and not doing it, because it's only 5:46AM there.

So, somehow or another I have to figure out a way for us to get to California.  I don't know how...or if Joe will even be able to get the time off work.  I just know nothing at this point, other than I HAVE to get there.  I'm almost jealous of the cousins/aunts/uncles that live out there, because they are all within quick driving distance.  It won't take them 3 days and $100s of dollars in gas to get there.  I don't know that I'll be able to get there in time for Grandma to meet Ava or not.  I kind of don't think so.

This just sucks.  I know it's a fact of life, and it's part of the process or whatever, but that doesn't change the fact that it sucks. And let me tell you.....IT SUCKS.

That's the thing about one really thinks about the death that occurs too.  One day, my daughter is going to be thinking the same thoughts, feeling the same feelings that I am.  And I'm going to be thinking and feeling the same as my mom.  I am really glad that we made the decision to move to Texas, because I am getting time with my mom that she didn't get with hers, because we've lived so far away from California for so long.  And I'm sure my mom feels regret that she didn't get the time with Grandma that her siblings have gotten....and that makes me very sad for her.  My grandma knows that my mom loves her, that I'm sure of.  I wish I had a magic wand or something that could whisk Mom and I out there for a that she could spend more time with Grandma, and Grandma could hold Ava.....but, this isn't Harry Potter.

I suppose I should get some homework done, since it's not going to do itself.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Early mornings, coffee, and Grey's Anatomy

There's nothing quite like waking up at 5:10 in the morning after not going to bed until almost midnight to the coos of your beautiful baby girl, and going over to the crib, turning on the mobile light, and seeing her smile at you with that "I TOTALLY love you Mommy" look.  She makes me the happiest person in the world when she smiles at me, and there's nothing in the world that is more amazing to me than her.  I am SO blessed in my life.

Now on to the  I am not usually much of a coffee drinker, but since moving in with my parents, since they drink it every morning, I have been drinking it almost every morning.  There's not much better than sitting curled up in the chair, after feeding Ava and sipping on a hot cup of coffee.

And Grey's Anatomy....I completely forgot how much I LOVE this show.  Mom had recorded the season, and so we've been watching a couple episodes here and there, and I'm completely back in love with it.  SO many amazing and tear jerking things have happened in the last couple episodes.  We have 2 left from last season, and I can't wait for the new season to start.  Another show that I started watching with Mom and Dad is Mike and Molly....that show is fantastic too!

I suppose I should probably attempt to get some stuff done around here today....although I'm not really sure what I need to  I'm going to change the sheets on the bed, and wash them, that I know for sure.  Other than that, it's going to be homework, reading, and taking care of Ava.

So I suppose I should get to it......It's likely that I'll post again later....