Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Anniversaries, sadness and everything in between

Oh boy....SO much has gone on the last week and a half, and I feel like I haven't had time to sit and relax, let alone knock out a blog post.

Hubby and I's 5th wedding anniversary was the 18th. :) Billy's girlfriend kept the kiddos for us, even though Cookie had a fever.  I almost told Hubby to forget going out that night, because her fever was 103.  But, we gave her some tylenol, and within about an hour it was down to 100, so I felt better.  We went to Olive Garden for dinner, which was REALLY good.  We were going to go to the high school football game after dinner, but it was raining and we didn't really feel like sitting in the rain.  So we went to the mall and thought we would just see a movie.  HA! I didn't realize how ridiculously expensive movie tickets had gotten.  So, rather than pay $10 a ticket to see a movie, we opted to just kind of walk around the mall and window shop.  It was really nice getting to just spend some time together, without having to tell the kids to sit down, or not hit, or whatever.  We got to talk (and we actually talked about things other than the kids!) and just reconnect as a couple.....which we have desperately needed.  Since I started working, we don't get to spend nearly as much time together anymore, and I've missed him.

I had the 19th off work too, and so we just kind of hung out at home, did laundry and general cleaning, and not much of anything else. 

We found a sitter for the kids...their first day was Monday.  She has a 2 1/2 year old of her own...he's only 3 months older than Cookie, and she keeps a little girl that is about Muscles' they have some other kids to play with.  She doesn't charge 2 arms and a leg either.  I've had a hard couple days, getting used to getting them dropped off and picked up.  They seem to enjoy it though, so....we'll see how it goes.

On Wednesday of last week, I got some devastating news.  A good friend of mine, whom I've known for the last 6 or so years, delivered her precious son stillborn.  My heart still hurts for her.  I cannot imagine the pain that she is going through right now, not having her precious boy home with her.  I talked to her a bit, and they think that it was a large blood clot in the cord.  She was 39 weeks.  It's just horrifying.  I've done a lot of praying and talking to God to try and make sense of it, and sadly, there is nothing that will answer those questions in this time and place.  After talking to her some, I have found some peace with it, knowing that it is all part of God's masterplan, and we just have to kind of roll with it. 

I have really been enjoying my MOPS group and Bible study group.  It's giving me an outlet and I've met some amazing women. I feel like maybe I am even starting to make some friends. :) 

Okay, I need to get the kitchen cleaned up and then maybe take a lil bit of a nap before Cookie and Muscles wake up. Wish me luck on

Light, love and making new friends. <3

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Holy hectic week

Things have been a bit overwhelming this week. So much has gone on, I don't know where to even start. I will try and get a good post up is late and I have to work at 6 am. Bleh.

Friday, October 11, 2013

Birthday dinner, grocery shopping and other shenanigans.

So, my mom's birthday was Monday.  I've had a crappy schedule at work all week (hence me not being around much) and so we didn't get to do the typical birthday dinner with the family until tonight.  We had lasagna (out of the box, but was GOOD), some garlic bread and veggies.  It was yummy.  Mom made her cake (why she made her own cake is still up for debate.....she says it is because she wanted German Chocolate, I say it's because she is freaking stubborn), and we had ice cream with it too.  Everything was REALLY good.  She got a new cell phone from my dad, Olive Garden gift certificates from my brother, and a couple new flags for her small flagpole, a Soduko (or however it's freaking spelled) book and a ceramic pumpkin from us.  The kids started getting crabby not long after dessert, so we came home and got them into bed.

Being that I've been working so much, I've not been able to get to the grocery store to do much shopping.  It's also hard to get shopping done with 2 kids in tow, especially by myself, so I asked my brother if he would mind if after the kids were asleep Hubby and I went grocery shopping.  It was really nice getting out of the house, kid-free, and getting to spend a little bit of time together.  We don't get that very often, and I've been feeling a bit of a disconnect from him here lately.  Not sure what that's all about, but it is really starting to irk me.

We swung through Starbucks drive-thru on our way to the grocery store, and got a couple Salted Caramel Mocha Frappucinos.  HOLY CROW!  Talk about YUM! I have definitely found a new favorite!!!  They were SO good.

After we got done shopping, we got in the check out lane, paid, and the gal bagging our groceries took off with a package of our meat............I wasn't sure what was going on, because I had been paying, so I looked at Hubby with a WTH look on my face.  He said that the plastic crap around the meat came off, so she had to go get another package.  We waited what seemed like forever (really it was maybe 4-5 minutes) and she finally came back..We got the meat and left.

As we were walking out to the car, we heard a loud noise and looked, and a pick-up truck looked like it had ran over a chain of some sort and was trying to get whatever unstuck.  The driver zoomed off, and about 20 seconds later, there was a crash, glass breaking, and my heart leapt into my chest.  We pulled out of the parking lot, and the truck had crashed into another truck, and was literally inches away from the gas pumps at the gas station across the street from where we were.  The driver was not in the truck, I think the cops had him off to the side doing a field sobriety test, but I can't be sure.  One thing I do know is that God was watching out for us, because if that plastic hadn't come off, we'd have been on the road when that truck came barreling through, and he likely would have hit us.  It took me until sitting here writing this to realize that.  Scary stuff.

Anyway, I am having a hard time keeping my eyes open at this point, so I'm going to close out for tonight and get some sleep.  I have to work tomorrow and Saturday, but I'm off Sunday.  We're going to the pumpkin patch with my parents and the kiddos, but other than that, I'm hoping that Sunday will be pretty laid back.

Light, love and pumpkin EVERYTHING!!!! Enjoy your night/tomorrow and we'll talk again soon! <3

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Stress and the repercussions of it all.....

Ever have that one person in your life that no matter how hard you try, they always seem to be able to point out where you are failing even as you are making strides in the right direction?
It seems like no matter what I do or accomplish, it is never enough. I have been busting my butt, working ~50 hours a week between both jobs, and finally feel like I am getting a handle on our finances. Making minimum wage at one job and just above at the other doesn't leave a whole lot of wiggle room after paying bills.  I am doing the best I can with what I have, and still getting hounded, regardless of what I try and do.

Yes, I made some STUPID choices, and yes, they are still haunting me.  I'm TRYING.  I can only do so much, and you can't squeeze blood from a turnip.  I am just so frustrated with people telling me that my best isn't good enough.

I can't do more than what I'm given, and dang it...........I'm really TRYING to get it all taken care of and in place and done.  I'm literally killing myself with all the stress and worry and working and apparently that doesn't matter.  I should be doing more, buying less, sleeping less and keeping the house perfect in the process. *sigh*

I can't even wrap my brain around trying to write anymore tonight.  I have to leave for work in an hour and 15 minutes, and I've been up since 7 this morning.  I probably should try and lay down for a little bit anyway.............though at this point, that would probably do me more harm than good.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Feeling like an outcast: A rant.

So, I've been a bit MIA off and on here lately, mainly because my work schedule is kicking my butt...........It REALLY is.  But, after talking to a friend about a few things yesterday, I felt the need to try and get a rant-y post done.....because this is something that definitely does really kind of piss me off.................

There is an aspect of my life that I haven't really discussed on here, not because I am ashamed, but because I feel like it is really no one else's business.....we're on public aid.  We receive food stamps every month, the kids get WIC and they are also on state insurance.  Without these programs, we would be far worse off financially than what we already are.  My kids would not have access to the medical care that they deserve, and that wouldn't be fair to them.

There are some people out there that think it is okay to judge those of us that are on public aid when we make a decision to expand our family......and to them I say, "SCREW YOU." 

Now, that being said.....YES, there are some people that abuse the system and honestly just have more kids so that they can increase the amount of money they get from the state every month.  There are for sure some that take more than they deserve and lie and cheat.  My deciding to have or not have another child should not be frowned upon because we are receiving help that my husband's paycheck helps pay for!

Something that I think a lot of people don't realize is that in some states (TX being one of them) there is a cap on the amount of help you can receive from the state.  You only have so long to be on aid without a job before they will cut you off.  Now if you have a job, it's a bit different, but still.....there is only so long that you are eligible to receive the assistance.  And not only that, but the assistance is exactly that....ASSISTANCE.  It by no means provides enough that you can get by without having to supplement.  Food stamps only go so far, and it is never enough to last us the entire month without having to spend money for some things.  WIC is the same way.  Between us and the kids, we go through pretty close to 10 gallons of milk a month (Billy helps with that too).  WIC only provides 6.  At $4 a gallon, that's nearly $20 that we have to provide on our own.  When Muscles was on formula, we usually had to buy at least 1-2 cans a month out of our own pocket, because WIC only provided so many, and he went through more than what they provided.

Hubby works 40 hours a week (well, here lately it's been 32, but still) and he pays taxes and such out of every check.  Those monies go to fund programs like food stamps and medicaid, etc., so why shouldn't we be able to utilize that resource without feeling like we are scum or low lifes?  I have worked, with the exception of the last 3 years, since I was 16.....I've paid into those programs as well. 

Anyone who knows me knows how difficult it was for me to go and apply for the aid when we were desperate.  It about killed me, and I seriously came home and cried because it was not something that I wanted to do, but I knew I had to do what I had to do in order to take care of myself and my family.

Do I plan on staying on these programs forever?  Heavens no!  I am hopeful that within the next year we will be able to get completely off of them.....I'm hoping to get a much better paying job soon, which will allow me to provide all the things that my kids need without having to use state assistance for help.  But until that happens, we're going to use the assistance, because that is what it is there for.

I hope that those who feel the need to judge people on assistance never have to feel the humiliation of walking into that public aid office for the first time to ask for assistance that you really don't want to ask for, but have no choice but to ask for.  I know there are some people out there that happily go to try and see how much they can get and not have to do anything for it.  I would like to think though, that the vast majority of people on assistance actually do NEED it, and are trying to get to a point where they won't have to be on it at all.

You know, I believe it says in the bible somewhere, "judge not lest ye be judged."  Don't judge me for needing food stamps, and I won't judge you for your tacky nail job and over priced shoes. :P