There are some days when it seems like it would be best to just stay in bed....not even face the struggles that you know are looming out there, waiting to consume you and destroy whatever strides you want to make.
Today was one of those such days for me. I knew it the moment I opened my eyes....I was going to be better off if I just stayed in bed. But, as a mama first, I knew that wasn't an option. So, I got up and tried to go about my day as best I could.
Bible study was this morning, and I just LOVE listening to the facilitator talk. She is most definitely a woman of God, and you can just really FEEL God when she speaks...if that makes any sense. She said a few things today that just really got to me, right in the core of my gut.
I've mentioned before that I am a volunteer for an organization called Miscarriage Matters. This organization is absolutely amazing, and I completely believe that through love and support from others who have been through similar experiences, women can heal from loss a little less lonely.
I've been talking to several different women who have recently suffered a miscarriage or stillbirth, and it's been....difficult for me. I do not in any way regret volunteering to talk to these women, or befriending them. It's just going through the same emotions and sadness that I went through alone. I am so glad that I am able to be a voice (or word, since it's all email or text) in the darkness for them, because I didn't have much of that when I was going through my losses. Sure, I talked to friends and family, but I didn't have anyone that had been through what I was going through, so I really felt alone.
And I think that was where the darkness was creeping in from for me today. There are so many things that sneak up on me........and my emotions and dealing with my emotions is one of them. *sigh*
It's hard to listen to someone talk about something that you've felt and experienced and NOT be sad. It's hard to know the EXACT pain they are feeling, and want to take it away but knowing that you can't. It forces you to realize that regardless of what you think, you are NOT in control. And sometimes that is a hard thing to realize.
Miscarriage is a horrible, awful thing that no one should ever have to go through. Sadly, more women go through them than what is realized. Typically, those of us in this sucky sisterhood suffer in silence, because talking about miscarriages just isn't the norm. I hope I can continue to be a voice in the darkness, letting women know that they most certainly are NOT alone......and I hope that me talking about the hurt and the fear and the sadness that is so common helps them come out of their dark places.
Well, my friends, I think for tonight I am going to get outta here and just relax and get some sleep. My heart has felt enough heaviness for the day. Until next time ~ Light, love and oreo cookies. <3