Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Feeling thoughtful..........

I was asked today what my greatest accomplishment was.  Without any hesitation at all, I answered "my kids."  It got me thinking which can be a scary thing for me. :P

I've talked some about my journey to parenthood and the struggles and trials that came along with it.  Becoming a mom was SO important to me....I never wanted anything more in my entire life.  When we were in the thick of it, I remember thinking "what am I gonna be if I can't be a mom?"  I didn't want anything else.  I couldn't imagine being anything else.  Getting through our struggles with infertility and the miscarriages took so much out of not just me, but both of us, and I wondered if we were going to be able to come out the other side of it.  I wondered if it was really going to be worth all the pain and heartache that we were going through to get to the other side.

Being a parent is hard.  Every day is another new challenge.  There are days when I wonder if I'm going to make it to the next one, because the challenges are sometimes overwhelming.  Between the changing of diapers, cooking the food, laundry, cleaning and all the other STUFF that consumes my day...I can assure you without a shadow of a doubt that it is completely worth every single, scary minute of the process in trying to get here.

There are things in my parenting that I question every single day.  I wonder if I'm doing the right thing, saying the right thing......it's a never-ending internal battle of questioning myself and believing in what I am doing.  I'm sure that I'm not the first mom in history to ever question her parenting abilities.  I'm very blessed with an awesome supportive mom who gives me encouragement and advice whenever I ask it of her.  I've also got some pretty fantastic friends who have kids that are older than mine that will offer advice when I ask too.  That helps too, because it's kind of a "we've been there, done that" kind of advice, which I really appreciate.

When you get down to the brass tacks of it, I wouldn't trade a single day of my journey to becoming a parent.  I wouldn't trade losing 5 babies before I carried Cookie.  It broke my heart, and some days still does, but it also made me appreciate being a mom so much more than I think I would have otherwise.  I'm not saying in any way that moms who don't have any issues don't appreciate their children....not at all.  I just know that for ME, I am so much more thankful that Cookie and Muscles are here and well and healthy and growing and making me crazy.  There was a time when I seriously doubted whether it would ever happen.  And now that I'm on the other side, I couldn't be happier.

Until next time ~ Light, love and animal crackers.

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