Monday, July 29, 2013

Late nights and blogging.........

So, I haven't been the most active blogger, but I'm really trying to get better about it.  It's hard to keep up with the blog with 2 littles, and I have a lot of admiration for those who are able to get it done.  A lot of my friends who blog have kiddos that are a bit older and I really think that makes a big difference.  I can't be on the computer other than when they are either down for their naps or down for the night, simply because they like pressing the buttons too

Being a mom is the most amazing thing in the world.  I could never have asked for a better job. Going from thinking that it was never going to happen to having a 1 and 2 year old baffles me every single day.  I count my blessings and thank my lucky stars that I was given such a wonderful gift.  Lil Lady and Muscles (as my dad calls him) fill my heart with more joy than I ever imagined possible.

Things have been really rough around here this I mentioned the other night.  After I posted the blog, my brother ended up needing me to go and pick his drunk self up from where he was at.  I swear, the man has NO self control when it comes to that AT ALL.  It makes me absolutely INSANE.  I know that there is nothing that I can do about it, because he is an adult, and he's going to do what he wants to do, but knowing that Hubby and I fought so hard to become parents and he doesn't even act like he wants to be a dad most of the time kills me.  I just....I just really feel like he doesn't appreciate the 2 beautiful boys that he has, and I don't get it.  It makes me completely crazy.  I keep hoping that him seeing how Hubby and I are with our kids will influence how he is with his kids, and it does NOTHING.  It makes me sad.

I wish that I could get more into his head and figure out what's going on up there, but he doesn't open up at all.  I know what it's like to go through a divorce, though not with kids, and I know how much it can hurt, even though I am the one who left my ex.  It doesn't make it easier to leave, believe me.  I know that the PTSD factors in, and I know that he's been through more than anyone ever should have, but using it as a crutch really needs to stop.  I don't know how to get through to him..........

I suppose that I should get this thing posted and get myself to bed.  I know that the boys are going to be up early tomorrow, and I'm keeping them so that my brother can go to school early.  Not totally sure why I agreed to it after this weekend.....I suppose maybe because I know that they are leaving to go back to IL in a couple weeks, and I'm not going to get to see them or talk to them until December.  It hurts my heart that they are so far away.......and I know that my baby girl is going to have a hard time adjusting to them not being here......she's been so happy with them here....even when they do fight over toys.

Well, friends...I hope the rest of this night treats you well, and I'll see ya on the flip side. ;)

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