Contemplating new adventures....

I posted that I was starting the process of looking for a job.  I hate it.  I really do.  I don't want to go back to work.  But in order for Joe and I to eventually be able to move out of Mom and Dad's, we have to save some money, and we aren't going to do that very well on his paycheck alone.  I wish that we could, because I would love to not have to go back to work until after I'm done with school, but that just isn't a realistic possibility.  So, I've been looking at what I could possibly do from home to avoid having to put Ava in daycare.

I am seriously thinking about becoming a Scentsy rep.  If you haven't heard of Scentsy, you need to go to the website, and check it out.  It's www.scentsy.com.  The stuff is fantastic.  It smells amazing, there's no flame, and some of the warmers are super cute.  I am just not 100% sure about it.  I'm going to talk to Joe and see what he thinks, and go from there.  I am fairly certain that between people Mom knows, people Danielle knows, and my nephew's school I could probably get a fair share of business.  Plus I have Terra over in San Antonio, and I have a slew of friends online too.....I will just have to really market myself well, and I know that Terra can help me with that.

I just know that I need to find something that I can do to bring in some money, and I really don't want to have a regular job and put Ava in daycare yet.  We'll see what happens.  This is it for now...

Titles are over-rated.

So, I'm not going to have one today. :)  I have a killer headache, and should totally be in bed, but I just can't seem to find the motivation to get up off my big butt and go there.I would love nothing more than to sleep, but I know that I will go in the bedroom and lay there and toss and turn.  So I sit here at the computer, watching some cop show on tv, although I'm not really watching it, it's just on for noise.

I am starting the process of looking for a job.  I really don't want to, because I don't want to leave Ava, at all, and I'm still in school, but the fact is, if Joe and I are ever going to be able to get some money saved and get a car, and move into a place of our own, I HAVE to get a job.  I'd love to find something that I can work from home, because then I wouldn't have to put Ava in day care, but I don't know how realistic that is.  We'll have to see.  I have sent out several resumes, and will continue to do so, and pray that I hear something about a job soon.  I'm going kind of stir crazy, and would love to have a job that I can really enjoy....we'll see what happens though.

I suppose this is it for tonight...I know it's not a long entry, but this headache is seriously going to kill me, so I'm just going to go to bed and try to sleep it off.

2 AM, and I'm still awake with the books wide open.....

And I really shouldn't be.  I'm going to be super crabby tomorrow, and I just know it.  I would love nothing more than to just go to bed, but my stupid procrastinating self decided to not work on homework as much as I should have this week, and so it's due tomorrow, and I have about 1/2 of it done.  That's not enough, especially since a good chunk of the day I'm going to be gone.  The business law homework is going to kill me probably, because a lot of it is stuff that's hard to understand, and the instructor I have has not answered any of the emails that I've sent him regarding ANYTHING.  It's really starting to tick me off.  I'm worried though that if I complain to the school about it, that it will end up affecting my grade, and I don't want that to happen.  It would be nice to know what my grade even is at this point. :(

This is going to be a short post, because I have quickly run out of steam.  I'm irritated, and really just can't stand to look at the books or the computer anymore.  I'm going to shut off the tv and go to bed.  8:00 is going to come awful early, especially considering it's almost 2:30 now.

Ticking clock and coffee....

That's what I have in front of me this morning.  Mom and Dad are going out and about today, so I had to take Joe to work today so that I could have the car in case I need/want to go anywhere.  They will take the truck on their adventure, and I'll have to pick Joe up from work, which is fine.....as long as I don't forget...lol  We woke up late (imagine that) because Joe shut off his alarm and didn't get out of bed.  Luckily though, my internal alarm went off at 10 til 6 and we were able to get up, dressed, his lunch made (by me), breakfast eaten (my breakfast is the coffee that I'm drinking now) and out the door in time to get him to work on time so that he wasn't late.  Holy crap, that looks like a run on sentence....lol.  Mom got up with Ava so that I didn't have to take a screaming baby with me to drop him off, and once I got home, she laid Ava back in her crib since she had fallen back asleep, and went back to bed herself.  My grandma is not doing well at all, and Mom isn't handling it very well either, and so she had a rough night last night.  I honestly did too.  I'm not ready to lose another grandparent....especially since she hasn't met Ava yet.  I know that I am very lucky to be 32 and still have 3 of the 4 grandparents, but I'm selfish damn it, and I am not ready for her to leave yet.  I haven't called to talk to her lately, and that's mainly because I don't think I can get through the conversation without crying.  I know that's stupid, but she's dealing with enough, she doesn't need to listen to me on the phone crying.  I also think part of it is that I'm not ready to say my goodbyes.  I didn't get the opportunity to say goodbye to my grandad when he died, and so I don't want that to happen again, but I can't bring myself to call.  Grandma doesn't last long on the phone anyways, so it would likely be a short conversation, and I could probably get off the phone before I started the crying stuff, but I still just can't pick up the phone and dial. **sigh**  So, instead, I sit here at the computer, tears welling up in my eyes, thinking about all the reasons that I SHOULD call.....and not doing it, because it's only 5:46AM there.

So, somehow or another I have to figure out a way for us to get to California.  I don't know how...or if Joe will even be able to get the time off work.  I just know nothing at this point, other than I HAVE to get there.  I'm almost jealous of the cousins/aunts/uncles that live out there, because they are all within quick driving distance.  It won't take them 3 days and $100s of dollars in gas to get there.  I don't know that I'll be able to get there in time for Grandma to meet Ava or not.  I kind of don't think so.

This just sucks.  I know it's a fact of life, and it's part of the process or whatever, but that doesn't change the fact that it sucks. And let me tell you.....IT SUCKS.

That's the thing about life....no one really thinks about the death that occurs too.  One day, my daughter is going to be thinking the same thoughts, feeling the same feelings that I am.  And I'm going to be thinking and feeling the same as my mom.  I am really glad that we made the decision to move to Texas, because I am getting time with my mom that she didn't get with hers, because we've lived so far away from California for so long.  And I'm sure my mom feels regret that she didn't get the time with Grandma that her siblings have gotten....and that makes me very sad for her.  My grandma knows that my mom loves her, that I'm sure of.  I wish I had a magic wand or something that could whisk Mom and I out there for a while....so that she could spend more time with Grandma, and Grandma could hold Ava.....but, this isn't Harry Potter.

I suppose I should get some homework done, since it's not going to do itself.

Early mornings, coffee, and Grey's Anatomy

There's nothing quite like waking up at 5:10 in the morning after not going to bed until almost midnight to the coos of your beautiful baby girl, and going over to the crib, turning on the mobile light, and seeing her smile at you with that "I TOTALLY love you Mommy" look.  She makes me the happiest person in the world when she smiles at me, and there's nothing in the world that is more amazing to me than her.  I am SO blessed in my life.

Now on to the coffee.....lol.  I am not usually much of a coffee drinker, but since moving in with my parents, since they drink it every morning, I have been drinking it almost every morning.  There's not much better than sitting curled up in the chair, after feeding Ava and sipping on a hot cup of coffee.

And Grey's Anatomy....I completely forgot how much I LOVE this show.  Mom had recorded the season, and so we've been watching a couple episodes here and there, and I'm completely back in love with it.  SO many amazing and tear jerking things have happened in the last couple episodes.  We have 2 left from last season, and I can't wait for the new season to start.  Another show that I started watching with Mom and Dad is Mike and Molly....that show is fantastic too!

I suppose I should probably attempt to get some stuff done around here today....although I'm not really sure what I need to do....lol.  I'm going to change the sheets on the bed, and wash them, that I know for sure.  Other than that, it's going to be homework, reading, and taking care of Ava.

So I suppose I should get to it......It's likely that I'll post again later....

Evenings and thoughts and t.v. reruns.....

I sit here at my shiny new computer, with the TV on a rerun of Two and A Half Men, and I can't help but feel completely and totally content in my life.  Sure, I'm not working yet, but I'm enjoying the time that I get to spend with Ava.  I mean, look at her.....who wouldn't want to spend time with her??? <3  She completes my life in a way that I never thought was possible.  It's amazing.

Joe likes his job, and is working days finally, so we have the evenings and weekends together, which is nice. We eat dinner, Joe plays with Ava, surfs the net, or whatever, and then goes to bed.  Once I get Ava down, and Mom and Dad are in bed, I usually try to get some sleep, but if that doesn't work, then I sit up and work on homework or play online, check Facebook, read a blog or two, and remember the people that I said I would call back that I never got around to calling. :(  It's amazing to me how much I forget to do that never would have been an issue for me before I got pregnant.  Seriously, I got pregnant, and my brain flew completely out the window.  Unreal.

I can honestly say that I am completely satisfied in my life right now.  My husband is amazing, our daughter is SO much fun, and such a good baby, and things are just really perfect.  Sure, we're living with my parents, and we don't have our own car right now, but I wouldn't want things any different right now.  Living with Mom and Dad is nice because we don't have to pay rent right now, and Mom is a HUGE help with Ava when Joe's not home and I have homework to do, or laundry, or taking my shower, or whatever.  She absolutely LOVES Ava, which is fantastic, and Ava is crazy about Grandma.  I love seeing the way Ava reacts to her.

School is going well, although my one instructor is apparently going to be difficult.  I emailed him a question about our reading almost a week ago, and still haven't heard back from him, and our assignment was due yesterday.  We still haven't received grades from him for week 1 either, which was due the Sunday before.  **shrug** Ah well, c'est la vie.  I'll just deal.  I only have to put up with it for another 5.5 weeks. Yay.  So far, in my Intro to Law class (the class where the instructor isn't a pain in the ass) I have a 93%.  I can handle that, as long as I can keep it up.  We'll see what happens.  I will be so glad once my classes are over and I can proudly display my diploma (or whatever they call it when you graduate from college).  I am really looking forward to being able to get a decent job to be able to support my family.  Then Joe can go back while I work, and get his welding certificate or whatever, and then I can work if I want, and if I don't want to then I don't have to. :)  I look so forward to being able to get a good job.

Mom and I are going to go shopping tomorrow.  Not sure what we're going to buy, but we're going shopping. :)  I'm looking forward to it.  It's been nice not working, and being able to just kind of hang out with my mom. I have really missed having her close, and it's so nice finally being here and being able to just hang out and go shopping or whatever.

Well, I suppose since it's nearly 11:30, I better get myself to bed.  Ava's going to likely be up early tomorrow, and we need to be dressed and out of the house by 9 to go shopping.  I will try to get better about updating more often, but I really don't know how many people even read this thing....Nighty night.

Late nights and law...

It's almost 1 am, and I'm still up.  I am having another night where I'm finding it difficult to sleep.  My brain just won't shut off, and it's really driving me insane.  I got a new laptop (Thanks Mom and Dad!!!!) and so I've been trying to get it completely up and running.  I'm having an issue loading Office on it, which is pissing me off, so I have a feeling that I'll end up taking it to San Antonio with us this weekend, and having my dad take a look at it for me.  I'm thinking that I'm going to HAVE to go to bed now though, because I know that the baby will be up early, and I NEED some sleep.  I have to pack and get things together for the trip to San Antonio, because we're leaving tomorrow afternoon after Joe and Dad get off work.  Will try to update more later.  Night.