Or am I?? LOL. Only time will tell!
I sit here, with my fantastic husband, watching Hell's Kitchen (which we recorded on DVR, since he was at work), and I think back over the course of the last 5 years, and realize how far I've come. 5 years ago, I was freshly divorced, unhappy, and spiraling down a path that left a LOT to be desired. Now, I'm married to my high school sweetheart (he was the first guy I dated in high school for those of you that didn't know ;) ), and we're expecting our first baby.
This is a day that I was really beginning to think was never going to come. After 4 miscarriages, and many, many months of tears and screaming, and feeling like I should just quit, we are FINALLY pregnant, and it looks like it's stuck for the long haul! <3 We go back to the doctor on the 18th of this month (which also happens to be our 2 year anniversary!!!), and hopefully we'll get to hear the heartbeat, since we won't get a sono until sometime in November most likely. I really almost can't fully express how thoroughly excited I am about this pregnancy, and the prospect of being a mom for the "first" time. Not that I don't consider myself a mom to the twins, because I do, but it's just different. The twins are fun, and I love watching them, and realizing how much they've grown and changed since we have had them, but the fact is that they aren't MINE. This baby is MINE. I daydream all day long about who the baby will look more like.....me or hubby. I hope that baby has hubby's ear lobes...my chin dimple...our blue eyes, dark hair, ah....it's just SO exciting thinking that come April, we will have a little bundle of joy, that I will get to snuggle. :)
We have decided on names, even though at this point we don't know if Baby is a boy or a girl. If Baby is a boy, his name will be Colin Joseph. If Baby is a girl, her name will be Ava Melody. The middle names are both family names, Joseph being for hubby and my grandad who passed away in April of 2005. He was an awesome grandparent, and his death was VERY hard for me, as he died 2 days before my birthday. Melody, is not only my mom's name, but hubby's mom's name, and she passed away in February of 2008, after a 14 month battle with cancer. She was an awesomely special lady, and I feel VERY blessed to have had her as a part of my life for the time I did. For those of you who don't know (which I'm fairly sure you all do, but....), my engagement ring is a blue diamond that Melody had for a VERY long time, and had decided that it would go to the woman that she felt was completely right for which ever of her sons found their mate first. Hubby had been married before, and his brother has had a girlfriend (now fiancee) for a long time, and I am the one who got the diamond. <3 I know without a shadow of a doubt, that she is in heaven watching over us, and she sent this baby to us after years of trying and waiting. And I'm SO thankful.
I am by far the happiest that I've ever been in my life, and I just can't believe that my prayers have been answered after all this time.....it feels WONDERFUL. :)
I hope I haven't bored you guys yet, especially since this is only my 2nd post! :p Until later!
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