So, I've had a lot rattling around in my brain for the last several weeks, and I'm still trying to sort it all out while getting it out in black and white too.
One of my closest friends from high school, someone I consider almost like a sister, was told a long time ago that she would never be able to have kids. Her and her husband had decided that this was okay with them, and they were content living their life for just the two of them. Well, life decided to throw them a curve ball, and in July of last year, she gave birth to a gorgeous baby boy. He is an absolute doll and a good mix of both my friends. They in turn decided that they wanted to go ahead and have another baby, because one is so fun, two has to be better, right? Lol. Well, at any rate, I got a text from her one day asking me about the age difference between my two, and what it was like, and so being the friend that can typically read very well between the lines, I asked if she was pregnant. Lo and behold, she told me yes. I screamed like the girl that I am, even though she told me thru texts, and we started discussing due dates and sexes and all the stuff that friends talk about when they find out the other is pregnant.
Sadly, about 2 weeks later, I got the call that no one ever wants to hear......She was having a miscarriage and losing the baby. :( I have tears in my eyes right now, just remembering the phone call. I hadn't actually talked to her on the phone in a REALLY long time, because really, who talks anymore? I was so thrilled to hear the sound of her voice. I asked her what's up, and she said," I need you, because I know you will understand," and I instantaniously KNEW. She didn't even have to say the words out loud. Sadly, it's something that I am all too familiar with. I talked to her for a few more minutes, but she was on her way to pick up her hubby from work. She had someone with her, so I knew that I didn't need to worry, at least not about her being alone. I've continued to check in on her every so often, much more frequently than before, and luckily I'm going to be seeing her next week sometime, so I'll be able to give her the big hug that I know she needs from someone who completely understands each and every emotion that she is going thru.
Miscarriage tends to be a pretty taboo subject, especially amongst those who have never been through it. It's not something that many people will just openly talk about, and really, it should be. It shouldn't be something that a woman should feel ashamed of, or alone in, because sadly, it is more common than a lot of people realize. It is a secret sisterhood that no one ever wants to be a part of. It's a sisterhood of women who for the most part suffer in silence, because they are either afraid that no one will understand, or don't know anyone who has actually gone through the horrific experience that it is.
I haven't talked about my miscarriages here, because the blog originally started when Hubby and I became foster parents of twins. I found out I was pregnant with my girl around the same time, and so my kiddos have just kind of taken over what I talk about.
I mentioned at the beginning of the post that I had some things rattling around in my head, and this is probably the biggest one. I want to go back to the beginning of my journey to becoming a mom, because it is a vital part of how I came out on the side of mommyhood, and it's made becoming a mom a completely different experience for me than for many of my friends and woman that I know in my life. I want to give you guys a more real glimpse into me and who I am and why I am, because every piece of the story has formed me into who/what I am.
I hope you will all join me for the bumpy ride. Revisiting things is sure to make me cry, but I hope that hearing my story will help someone who is going through the darkness see that there is hope of coming out on the other side. Also, please....if you know someone that is going through it, send them my way. Maybe my words will have a comforting effect and let them know that they are not alone.
This is going to be it for tonight......I'm exhausted after not sleeping well last night. So, for tonight, stay safe and be blessed my friends....until we meet again.