My goodest (I'll explain that) friend over at Non-Stop Mom has used the title brain dump for a blog post or two, and so I figured that I would steal it. The goodest thing comes from me finding the term "Best Friend" a bit childish sometimes. I have multiple friends that would fall into the best friend category (going based on what it meant to me in high school) and I feel like titling them in that manner wouldn't do any of them justice, so I figure goodest, even though it's not really a word, works.
I've been having a more than difficult time here lately. I don't know if it's post partum depression setting in (even though my boy is 4 1/2 months old) or if it's just my hormones being completely jacked from the hysterectomy. I'm moody, I'm depressed, I am constantly mad at Hubby, and I feel unwelcome in my own home. I let things go (Oh Em Gee you should see the piles upon piles of laundry) and I just frankly don't care. I put on this front, that everything is fine and dandy, and that things couldn't be better, yada yada yada, when in fact, I feel like things are coming apart at the seams. We're behind on bills, I need a job, money only goes so far, and I just don't know what the fark we're going to do.
And maybe that's the #1 issue.....I NEED a job. I've been on 4 interviews in the last several weeks, and have gotten turned away by ALL of them. The one I even got a 2nd interview, and was still passed over for someone else. I know I would be a good employee for someone if they would just give me a freakin chance. I can't even get someone to let me in the door. And it's frustrating. And a bit embarrassing, truth be told. I have never had so much trouble getting a stinking job. I've always been able to find a job and change jobs fairly easily. And maybe that's part of the reason that people are turning me away. The longest job that I've had was the 2 years that I worked for Zales, and the 2 years that I worked for Comcast. That's been it. Nothing longer. I WANT to stay at a job long term. I want to fidn the place I can retire from. I NEED a job so desperately bad, but having one vehicle is making it very difficult to find something, and having 2 kids is making it even mroe difficult, because the cost of day care is stupid.
I don't even feel like I can vent about anything. I suppose I'm just going to go to bed, and then I don't have to even think about anything either.
I loves you, honeybunny. I know you've been having a rough time, and I can assure you that it will pass. Feel the way that you feel and don't fight it - if you're sad, it's ok to be sad. You're going through a lot both physically and emotionally and if you weren't a wreck, I'd wonder about you (more than I already do :P).
ReplyDeleteHang in there, and we'll catch up one of these days......I promise! <3