A new year, a new me..............

So, I realized that I haven't written a blog since June of last year........gosh have things changed in life since then.

Cookie is in pre-k, and doing AMAZING. I am SO incredibly proud of her.  She's so smart, and is just going to be a great student, I hope.

Muscles is coming into a difficult age.....or stage at least.  He's defiant, stubborn, and too much like his mama. LOL. But, it's all good, because he'll be starting school in the fall, which will hopefully help rein him in a bit.

Hubby is now working for Frito-Lay, which has been an amazing transition.  It's been difficult, yes, but it's all part of the learning curve, and things are shifting and moving along.

The biggest news, I suppose is that we moved from down by Houston to up by Dallas.  My parents moved up here in 2014, and after my dad had a stroke in September of '14, I told Hubby that I didn't want to live so far away anymore.  It's been tough, especially since we went from a 3 bedroom to a 2 bedroom.....that's literally less than 1/2 the size of our last place, but we're doing it.  It's difficult living in such a small space, but we're making it work for now.

Looking further down the road....I'm in the middle of my journey to getting weight loss surgery.  I shouldn't actually say the middle, it's more like the beginning, but I'm VERY excited.  I'm sick of being overweight, and I'm ready for the transition.  It's not going to be easy, and for our insurance I have to do a 6 month pre-op supervised diet.  I have my second meeting with the nutritionist coming up next Wednesday. I have given up soda all together, and am working on no more sweets. I stayed out of the Easter candy, so that was an awesome victory for me! Now to just adjust the rest of my eating habits.....but, one thing at a time.  I'll get there, and taking one thing at a time will help me be more successful.

This is all for now, I'm sick and tired, so I'm going to attempt to go to bed.

Love & light from me to you. <3

Long time no write..............

My life has been a crazy series of thinking that I have all the time in the world, and realizing that I really don't.  I have been absolutely HORRIBLE about updating the blog, and I definitely need to work on that.

But for tonight, I'm going to head to bed, because I am exhausted, and the kids have VBS in the morning.  Will update more soon, I promise!

Busy, busy, busy, and more busy to come......

Things the last couple of months have seemingly been zooming at lightening speed, and I feel so out of touch with everyone....and everything.  Everyone in our house has been sick off and on since the week before Thanksgiving, and I think, FINALLY, we are at the end of it.  Knock on wood, the kids have been feeling better for the last week or two, I've been better for about a week, and poor Hubby got it again, but is finally on the mend too.  It's been rough having everyone sick through the holidays, and my parents both ended up getting it from us while they were here.  But, like I said, we're all feeling MUCH better, and hopefully this is the end of the sickies going through my house.

I've been working REALLY hard on trying to get the house organized and put together so that it doesn't feel like such a chaotic mess all the time.  I think I've been doing a pretty good job, taking it one day, one room at a time.  I have purged a lot of stuff, and still have quite a bit more to go through and get rid of, but I've made a really good start.

Things with Miscarriage Matters are moving along at lightening speed, and I've been moved to being the assistant to the Human Resource Manager.  I think it's an amazingly perfect fit, seeing as I'm going back to school to get my degree in Human Resources.  It's going to be fantastic, and I'm looking forward to learning all I can.  It's an amazing opportunity, and I can't wait to see where it takes me.

Now, speaking of school.......I had been on a hiatus, but am going to be starting back in February.  That's a big part of the reason for the need to purge and organize, because I needed to have a place where I could do my studying, and have a desk and such.  My "office" space is also going to be used for work with MM, but the main motivation was so that I wasn't sitting on the couch trying to do my homework, because when I did that, I tended to pay more attention to the TV than what I was supposed to be working on.  So, I'm hoping that since I have a more dedicated space that I will be able to concentrate more.  Hubby has agreed to let me escape the madness of home for a couple hours on Saturdays so that I can go to the library and really have a good amount of peace and quiet to get my work done with no distractions.  I'm hoping that he follows through and is more helpful of handling the kids so that I can make good grades and hopefully graduate with honors.  That's my goal.......I want to graduate with honors.....because I want that feeling that I REALLY accomplished my goal, ya know?  It's been a long time coming, especially considering that I'm almost 36.

So, anyway......that's where things are at right now.  Busy, crazy, and only going to get more hectic from here! I'm actually scheduling time in my ever expanding calendar to sit and write some blog posts, so that you all don't feel like I've abandoned you, like I feel that I have the last few months.

I hope you are all doing fantastic, and would love to hear from you!!!  Until next time, Light, Love and American Horror Story!

It's been 7 years....

And there are days when the sting is still as fresh as the day it happened.  I'm not sure why this year has been so hard, but for whatever reason, I've been feeling the sadness and overwhelming difficulty that was losing my 2nd pregnancy.

I still remember every single minute of the 3 days from the first spotting to the aftermath of the D&C like it was yesterday.  I have gone over and over and over every detail in my head for the last couple weeks, every day.  I wonder what would have been, who Baby would look more like, what Baby would be doing in school, how Baby would be with Cookie & Muscles......I think about it almost constantly.

We had 5 miscarriages before we were blessed with Cookie, but this one ~ the second one ~ was just different.  We saw the heartbeat.  Everyone saw the heartbeat.  My parents and Hubby's mom included.  We gave a copy of the sono pic to my grandparents, his aunt, our parents....we just knew that this was the one....the one that would stick, the one that would be at our wedding when we got married the following year. I had so many dreams, hopes and ideas of what life would be like as parents.

I envisioned our baby playing with our friends' kids as they grew up together.  I saw Hubby pushing Baby on the swing, teaching Baby to ride a bike, throwing a base/softball in the yard...........so many things.  So many things that we'll be able to do with Cookies & Muscles, but not with Baby.  And that makes me sad.

I often wonder how Cookie would be with an older sibling....and that's something that I'll never know.  At some point, I think we'll probably tell Cookie and Muscles about their siblings in heaven.....I'm just not sure when or how.  They are too young at this point to understand, so I'm sure that it will have to wait until they are much older.  And I know they will have questions, and so I'm going to have to figure out how to answer those questions.

The last week or two has been really hard, trying to deal with everything that's been going through my head.  Don't get me wrong....I am SO thankful to have Cookie and Muscles, and I couldn't imagine my life without them.  They fill my heart with so much happiness and love, but there are times that I long for the babies that I lost....all the while knowing if I had them, I wouldn't have Cookie & Muscles, so it's a double edged sword.

While thinking about the what if's hurts, it also makes me smile, because I know that I will see them again someday.....and I know that they are content in Heaven with Hubby's mom, aunt, uncle and my grandparents that have passed.  And one day, I will have the answer to the "why did this happen to me?" question that has been tormenting me.

I hope that you are all well and enjoying this holiday season.

Light, Love & Christmas lights.  Until we meet again my friends!

Bit of a new look....and new outlook.

It's been a while, and for that I apologize.  Life tends to get in the way more than I want to admit, and I just don't have the online access from the computer that I used to have.  Hopefully after the first of the year that will change, and it'll be back to business as close to normal as I get.

I absolutely LOVE this time of year.  Christmas has always been, for a multitude of reasons, my favorite "season."  There's just something about the twinkling lights and ornaments and Christmas trees that makes me feel good and loved and all those happy things.  There's just nothing quite like it.

I wanted the page to reflect that a bit, so I changed the over all look and hope that it's not too boring.....

I'm trying to change my outlook on a lot of things, especially when it comes to my kids.  The last several months have been stressful and kind of crazy, but during this Christmas season, I'm trying really hard to concentrate on the important things, and not worry so much about the silly little stuff.  It's a lot easier said than done, but I'm really trying.

Cookie and Muscles will only be little for so long, ya know?  I want them to look back on their childhoods with as much love and adoration as I look back on mine, and being a yelling, unhappy mom isn't going to accomplish that.  I really need to work on remembering that they are little, and may not listen all the time like I think they should.....but they are learning, and growing, and there will soon come a time when they won't want to snuggle and be up my butt 24/7.  And those times are coming quicker than I really think I'm ready for.  There are days that it is really hard to remember that, and I need to make an active choice to remember that and really enjoy this time with them.

They are learning and growing and so curious about everything.  I need to slow down and soak it up and not get flustered with the 90 million "why" questions that I get, especially from Cookie.  She is curious, and wants to learn, and I need to nurture that and help her to figure things out.

I'm trying hard to learn to enjoy the moments with my babies, because they won't be babies forever.....and some days that is REALLY hard to remember.

I know this is another short post, but I'm battling the sickies, and really should go to bed so that I'm not even worse tomorrow. :)

So, for now, I'll say goodnight, and I PROMISE that I will work really hard at trying to get more posts out to my (few) loyal followers.

Light, love and cough medicine. <3 Until we meet again!

Long time

It's been a while, and I am sorry about that. Life is crazy, in a good way most of the time, and I just don't take the time to sit and write like I should. I wanted to pop in quickly and let you know I was still alive, and will try and pound out a better post later.

Light, love and cold days

Long time no talk and lots of thinking.

It's been a while, and I am really sorry about that. Life kind of gets in the way, and with no internet at home right now, it makes it that much tougher.

I have been keeping myself busy with bible study (2 of them actually), MOPS, and taking care of the kids. Miscarriage Matters is taking off at a lightening speed, and so that is really exciting too. As a matter of fact, I need to get on the phone with my boss and kind of play catch up. I have been a bit out of the loop, and feel bad about that.

Hubby and I celebrated our 6th anniversary last month, and we are looking forward to the holidays. 

I will try and write more later, when I can get to the computer.

Light, love and Grey's Anatomy